| 00:00 - 00:03 | All duckpin centers are closing |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | nobody wants to bowl |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Ever since Pronovak retired |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | the interest just isn't there |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | We need him back badly |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | No! I only need Colby! |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | He's why I get out of bed |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Colby hates you! |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | They all do!! |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | they can't stand your face |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | you're hideous |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Those who think Paul is better, leave the room now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I was great! Why no more? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I can't even hit the fucking head pin |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | The ball just goes where it wants!! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I always fucking chop two! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | And then I hit the headpin |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | But I leave the fucking 5-10! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And Parkville is a terrible house! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | The place should fix their lanes! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | It's not the house, it's you Sam! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | No!! It is not me!! Never!! I am ProSamvak |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sam, you are old, and 123 at best! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I will prevail!! I will carry a 130 again |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Kiss my dirty ass!! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Why can't I throw strikes? |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Why do I keep throwing 90 games!?! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I get 1 counts regularly now!! Why? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | All I do is win free tournament entries |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | When I qualify, women beat and mock me and laugh at me |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I should carry 145 like fav nephew Paul |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | He makes it look so easy with skill and poise |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I don't ask for much |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I should be dominating! I'm skinny, and gay! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I kiss the ball before I throw |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | But nothing I do works |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I must bowl 7 nights a week. I must get better. I have to |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I will live at Southwest! I will do nothing but bowl 24/7!! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I will make my scalp bleed |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I will get blisters on my womanly hands |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I wish I could be more like Chuck |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's ok, nobody wants to be like that guy |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Maybe I do stink, am I'm bad? |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | How am I in the Pro League? They must be desperate |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I shit my pants |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I'm not wiping. Why bother |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I shall embrace the stench of my body and my bowling |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I will bowl in only senior leagues |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | But I will never be ProNovak.. |
