| 00:00 - 00:03 | These are the forces we have in Eastern Europe |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | ready to face Putin |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Our war footing is not as rock solid as we would like |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | but we can rely on our troops |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | resilience and resourcefulness |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | But we have Ajax ready for action |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | it will ensure victory |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | ... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Ajax... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Ajax has been having more problems |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | It's not quite as safe as we thought |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | CDS, CGS and MOD Permanent Secretary stay in the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Good grief chaps, this isn't on |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Nobody will be getting a job after retiring at this rate |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Let alone stopping the Russkies from stealing every washing machine east of the Oder |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | You told me the all the problems were fixed |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | And now you stand there telling me |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | That the Megaproject award the other week |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | was a bit premature |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | All those LinkedIn posts that everyone can see |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | We thought the fancy seats and loctite were enough |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | This isn't the F35 or a Royal Navy OPV |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But we've always got away with it before |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Well you've run out of luck this time |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | We're going to have to spin this one big time |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | And we're going to have to get MI5 |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | and Special Branch to help keep a lid on it |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | We'll have to bribe, threaten and bully thousands of soldiers |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I'm old enought to remember TRACER, FRES and FFLAV |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I'm even old enough to remember the fluff about CVR(T) |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And that actually bloody worked |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Every time I think about Ajax I get severe indigestion |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Someone even said the gun was a dud |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | We had him posted to the Falklands for three years |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | We binned the Warrior upgrade to deflect attention |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | The things I've had to do |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I even had to give a damehood to some beancounter in the Treasury |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | To get the cheques signed |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | All these years we've been telling everyone |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | How to fight |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | And we can't even get someone else's tank to work |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's OK, Boxer is going to be different |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I can hear them laughing in Paris and Berlin |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | You're all going for a ride in the back of an Ajax |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Cross-country |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | No excuses |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | And while you're puking up for days afterwards |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I'm going to call the GD board |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | And tell them money's no object... Again |
