| 00:00 - 00:03 | There is potential for three different |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | three way ties. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Mike and Al are facing off |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | While Patch, Tyler, and Dean await astrology signs |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | from Patch's new Hinge date - a Gemini. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Matt will sort them all out. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | He has been in back-to-back championships. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | The Fury |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Matt... |
| 00:31 - 00:32 | Matt was eliminated. |
| 00:33 - 00:38 | And Jizzleme Ballzonchin is in 4th place with a clenched playoff berth. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who agreed to do the 2025 Draft in Vegas and bailed... leave immediately. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How could you let this happen? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I gave strict orders that Jizzleme Ballzonchin... |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | ...was not to make the playoffs! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | And now Alex D'Ocean has to lecture me |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | about Bylaw Article 17 Subsection 12 |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Which states that three way ties |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | shall be settled by spouse's first name |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | in alphabetical order starting with "M" |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Dean: Mr. Fury, you cannot slander the bylaws. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | You're 6-7 Dean! SIX SEVEN 🤣. |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mr. Fury, I have 20 more Points For than you. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | "Points For" .... your false idol, Dean. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Try the "Research" tab in ESPN for once. |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Or perhaps a Defense... |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | that has fewer holes than Tyler's LinkedIn profile. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I feel like I have discovered fire with you eleven |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | knowing not to field a D/ST that is opposing my star players. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | And yet I lost to Patch... a Capricorn.. in Week 4. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | By two miserable points that would have clenched my 1st place seed. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | But nothing can explain Kyle receiving his only victory off my back. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I am the reigning Champ. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I have Josh Allen and the #1 kicker. |
| 02:34 - 02:38 | Ladd McConkey has McCockteased me for weeks. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I booked a room at the Ameristar |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | after I suggested the Monarch and we ended up there anyway. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | My pillow smelled like ash trays and hooker sweat. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Nick would have loved it. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | And Jordan would have had an allergic reaction |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | isolated entirely in his colon. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's ok Patch, you should just keep the trophy forever. |
| 03:14 - 03:17 | Drew has a 6% chance of making the playoffs. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I have a 6% chance of growing an afro. |
| 03:25 - 03:28 | I spent 52 waiver bucks on Tre Tucker |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | File that one under "Lessons Learned." |
| 03:40 - 03:43 | Jizzleme could be the #1 seed. |
| 03:44 - 03:49 | He asked if he could trade waiver bucks for Bulgarian condoms. |
| 03:53 - 03:58 | They arrive tomorrow. |
