| 00:00 - 00:05 | Here's the story of the 'Two Fish' saga |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Strap in and strap one on because this is crazy. |
| 00:07 - 00:10 | Someone thought it would be a good idea to |
| 00:11 - 00:16 | rewrite this dumpster fire of an app...in Python |
| 00:17 - 00:21 | and a React SPA. |
| 00:21 - 00:24 | Think about that for a hot second. |
| 00:29 - 00:31 | PYTHON AND FUCKING REACT |
| 00:31 - 00:34 | Say that to yourself again slowly and try not to laugh |
| 00:38 - 00:40 | We have no money for Rails engineers |
| 00:41 - 00:47 | And the only saving grace of this rapidly descending Ocean's Gate style submersible |
| 00:47 - 00:50 | is the fact that the platform is in Rails. |
| 00:50 - 00:56 | But the CEO wants to leave a mark |
| 00:58 - 00:59 | Signal that he hasn't |
| 00:59 - 01:01 | been asleep for the last 2 years |
| 01:04 - 01:06 | So he puts together this 'Roadmap' |
| 01:06 - 01:08 | Of all things |
| 01:13 - 01:14 | A long-term roadmap! |
| 01:14 - 01:16 | He shows this to the board of directors |
| 01:16 - 01:20 | If you can believe it this company has a board of directors somewhere. |
| 01:21 - 01:27 | They sit at a table and make decisions on what direction a software company should go in... |
| 01:35 - 01:36 | They've done such a cracker jack |
| 01:36 - 01:39 | job of running this place into the ground so far |
| 01:41 - 01:44 | Fired every single one of the engineeers that |
| 01:44 - 01:47 | built this thing from the ground up except |
| 01:47 - 01:49 | for a guy Shawn and some asshole |
| 01:50 - 01:53 | sitting in Chicago somewhere in his underwear |
| 01:54 - 01:56 | Guarantee you right now |
| 01:56 - 01:58 | He's in his underwear right now |
| 01:58 - 02:02 | with headphones on and white noise makers on because of all the |
| 02:05 - 02:07 | leafblowers in his neighborhood |
| 02:10 - 02:11 | on the northside of Chicago |
| 02:11 - 02:13 | Honest to Christ. |
| 02:15 - 02:17 | Let's get that motherfucker on |
| 02:17 - 02:20 | a huddle right now and I bet dollars to donuts. |
| 02:21 - 02:28 | But we have a roadmap now. And, we're going to rewrite the reporting module in Python and React. |
| 02:29 - 02:30 | God help us. |
| 02:30 - 02:32 | So the CEO hires this |
| 02:36 - 02:39 | consulting company called Two Fish to write a |
| 02:40 - 02:42 | as a cornerstone of this shiny new roadmap |
| 02:50 - 02:55 | to write a report in a new font. They've been at this for over 6 months. 6 titty fucking months |
| 02:56 - 02:58 | they have 4 people meeting ever week. |
| 02:58 - 03:04 | They haven't done a thing this entire time. We've seen a Figma file and some screenshots. |
| 03:04 - 03:09 | You can't make this up. We're paying them $40,000 a month for this absolute nonsense. |
| 03:09 - 03:11 | It is now the middle of July and we're no closer. |
| 03:16 - 03:20 | Yesterday we get a message from Two Fish's CEO explaining the delay. Breathtaking string of BS. |
| 03:23 - 03:26 | "Mismatched containerized methods to internal API calls." |
| 03:31 - 03:36 | Somewhere there were CORS errors. You can't make this shit up. |
