| 00:00 - 00:03 | Carol Kirkwood had just given us the 7 day forecast |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | 14 more days |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | pissing down without a moments respite |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | we need to make a decision |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | are we going to spend a fortune on irrigation |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | or a couple of quid on drainage? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | how much have we got for drainage? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | my Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | at the last count |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | £8.20 if we don't buy the new divot bags |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | but it is the Rolls Royce of irrigation |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everybody who is not on council or greens please leave the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | what a fucking shambles! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | where's the bloody drainage?! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | putting water on a golf course |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | that is already a lagoon for 5 months a year? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | we have become a laughing stock |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I got fitted for a new set of stealth irons |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | and woods. It cost me twice as much as a Tiger Tank |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | and they haven't moved a fucking inch since the day I bought them |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | my Fuhrer they will still fetch good money on Gumtree |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Gumtree? You dipshit. They charge 20% and some half-wit calls round to your house |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But you can agree to deliver them. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Deliver them? How in Christ's name do i get out of this bunker |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | which i have been stuck in for the |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | the last 5 months? |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | and all because my golf course is now a designated |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | swamp, only fit for ducks, geese, and dickheads who play golf in wellingtons |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | and all because some consultant conned us into spending |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | 800k adding water to a lake. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | It is unbelievable |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | you can't even get on a snooker table |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | they are booked solid 7 days a week |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | and some idiot has changed it to a pound a game |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | ive still got bags full of 20p ill never use |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | for fucks sake |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | West Kirby sailing club have even asked us if they can hold their |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Regatta here next October |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Caldy,s manager has asked us to stop |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | pestering them with membership enquiries |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | what next? A Captains "paddle in along the 12th? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | don't worry we'll just become a sailing club |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | do you know anybody after a set of Stealths? |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | unused with a sleeve of Pro-Vs thrown in |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | but not my Scotty putter |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | everyone knows you never sell a Scotty |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | all of you piss off out of here and deal with that irrigation expert |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | That slippery bastard who has lead us by the nose |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | and has conned us out of a fortune. |
