| 00:00 - 00:03 | Fox News is back on the Trump Train. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Even the ball tanning guy. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | But the lawyers are nervous. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Bragg's case looks weak, but there's still Georgia. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And Jack Smith thinks he's Joe Frazier or a T-1000. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Fulton's a shithole county surrounded by hillbillies. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | And Smith can't hurt us if Pence stays mute. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Dear Orange Overlord |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Pence... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Pence just agreed to testify before the D.C. grand jury. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | He could have appealed the court order to testify, but chose not to. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone but Jason Miller, Boris Epshteyn, and Joe Tapioca, please get out. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | That goody two shoes loser! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Why didn't those inbred monkeys hang him when they had a chance? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I served up Mr. Helmet-Head-With-A-Fly-On-Top on a platter for those goons! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Did Mother put him up to this? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Or did the Lincoln Project get to him? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | For the love of Kentucky Fried Chicken... |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Even my family is bailing on me. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Other than Beavis & Butthead, only Tabitha is still loyal. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My Sweet Prince of Darkness, her name is Tiffany. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Whatever! Her and Barney barely count anyway! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My Shiva, Destroyer of Norms and Deceny... |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Enough with the flattery! If I wanted a hummer I'd call Kevin McCarthy! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Pence! And Evan Corcoran! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | These fuckers know WAY too much to be singing. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | And Allen Weiselberg is getting sprung from Rikers? |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Why? So my bean counter can corroborate Stormy and Cohen? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Jews know money, so the jury will believe him. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | And "Raffensperger" sounds Jewish, but maybe that'll hurt him with a Georgia jury. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | For fuck sake, how did you people get me into this? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | It's so unfair! Why does the law keep coming after me? |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | What could possibly explain it, other than the Deep State? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I act all tough for the cameras, except for that photo shoot with the eagle. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | But the Dems smell blood in the water, so I can't crime anymore. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Life's not worth living without the criming. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Even Mussolini, that useless Guido, he knew that as well as I do! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | And he ended up hanging by his feet in a public square. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | But I weigh too much for that. My ankles would snap right off. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | You'd think that Jordan and Comey would be better at running interference. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Why the fuck isn't Hunter Biden's hard drive all over the internet by now? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay. I hear Newsmax is hiring. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Maybe this is it. I hope my niece Mary is happy. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | She's always resented me wanting to bang Ivanka but not her. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Well, time to face the music. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Get Stephen Miller on the phone. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | If I'm going down, I want that bald, ugly little fuck by my side. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | He's even more of a Nazi than I am. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Tell him to bring some pussy and a Glock. |
