| 00:00 - 00:03 | Basketball season is starting |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | The Big 12 covers these areas |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Kansas, West Virginia, Iowa, Oklahoma, Texas... |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We'll also play games at The Mood |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Our media friends have us ranked #2 |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | I don't care about that. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | We have Chris Beard |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr DelConte |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | There might be a problem |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Coach Beard is in jail... |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | for assault |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everybody out but Ogden, Benson, McConaughey, and Goodman |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Nobody respects Chris Beard more than me! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | And now you tell me he's in jail! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Who did he assault to end up in jail? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Who messed with Beard? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Tell me! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | We pay that son of a bitch 5 million a year |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And you tell me he's in jail for assault |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Who the hell could he off assaulted? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | He tried to strangle his girlfirend |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | His girlfriend? His fucking girlfriend? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | She broke his reading glasses |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Strangled her over fucking reading glasses! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Buy him some reading glasses |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | You assholes let him be |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | arrested over fucking reading glasses |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | and now you tell me he's sitting in jail |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Can he do a fireside chat from jail? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Can he recruit 5-star players from jail? |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Fucking Texas Tech students are gonna have a field day with this |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I can hear their whole student section now |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | They will be brutal |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Chanting "Lock him up", beating their chests and wearing striped jump suts |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Over fucking reading glasses |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Strangled that crazy bitch because |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | she broke his reading glasses |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | We gave him everything. Built him a smaller arena so we could have sellouts |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Now we'lll be back to Texas Tech filling our arena |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | And we have to listen to those assholes do their Raider Power chant |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I hate that fucking chant |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't cry. We're Texas! |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Happens every time we steal a coach from Texas Tech |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | It never fucking works |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | It's a curse |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | How long till he gets out? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Now we have to let that UTEP coach our Longhrons |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | and we'll probably lose to Rice |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | At least we'll cover the 24 point spread |
