| 00:00 - 00:03 | The virus started in China |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | soon to reach the Fatherland |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | social distancing is required to flatten the curve |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Italy is particularly hard hit |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | the Italians are pleading for help |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | the Italians are always pleading for help |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | remember North Africa |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Furhrer, my test results are positive |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Steiner tested negative |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Luckily, I have lots of toilet paper to share |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | We're hoping this will pass by Easter |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone that tested negative, leave |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | You idiots ignore social distancing |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | You come into my bunker and infect me |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | this can lead to our downfall |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | not to mention, hurting the economy! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | we won't be able to go to Disney World |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Tell Trump we need Ventilators |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Tell Pence we need N95 masks! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | We're going to need a financial bailout |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My furher, we dropped interest rates to zero |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | That's not low enough, give me negative rates |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My furhrer, negative rates don't work |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Don't tell me they don't work, they do |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Order VW and Audi to start making ventilators |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | we will defend the fatherland from the virus |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | everyone will wash their hands |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | get more hand sanitizer! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | the kind that smells good |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | people will be lining up for that stuff |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Get more toilet paper |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | get the good stuff, Charmin |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Trump is an idiot |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | if he thinks this will be over by Easter |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | the virus can last forever |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | just like the third reich |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I will lead us to Costco |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | and maybe Trader Joe's too |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | we will go early |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | remember social distancing is key |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | you sneeze, the place will explode! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | it's okay, I went to Sam's yesterday |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I wonder if the Berlin Costco |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | has that incredible frozen weiner snitchel |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I only have enough for my lunch |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Get it out of the freezer and microwave it for me |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | A weiner snitchel and a beer is key |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Social distancing |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | and we will all get through this |
