| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mr Wallace, some allegations have been made about you |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | The allegations are that you made bad taste jokes |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | About fingering women |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | You also said things like "alright love, you be the hole..." |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | "...and I'll be the toad, know what I mean love?" |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | That was mainly women of a certain age |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | So I think you'll find there's no problem |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir Gregg |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Those jokes |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Those jokes haven't been OK since about 1976 |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And you also got your willy out at work, remember? |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Stay in the room: John Torode, my agent, my useless PR, and my lawyer |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I've explained I can't wear underwear |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | How dare anyone suggest it's inappropriate! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I had an undiagnosed neurodiversity... |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | That required me to have my pants off |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Why couldn't they have found some younger birds |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Who can take a bleeding joke? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | The report absolved me of some of the serious allegations |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Apart from waving my willy and a few other things |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir Gregg, putting your willy in someone's face- |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | It's sensationalism! I'm like 60% innocent! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir Gregg, you could at least start wearing underwear |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I bring the sausage - they bring the pastry! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | The pastry!!! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | In 20 years there's only been |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | 1 or 2 hundred complaints |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Everyone loves Gregg's cheeky greengrocer act |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | For years, the producers failed me |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | It's mainly their fault really |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Those birds must have been lesbians. I should have had |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Rod Stewart executed |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | That's what I'm going to write in my next press release |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | "They were all lesbians, and I should have executed Rod Stewart" |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I'm writing all my PR myself now |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And I'll add some cheeky puns |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | About phallic vegetables! Like aubergines!! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | "You want courgettes and aubergines to be firm... |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | "And to have plenty of seed in them... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | "Just like my willy your honour! Wahey!" |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | See? This is how you talk to ladies! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | I'm sorry......he's mega-cringe |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | All my cheeky innocent words get twisted |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | By the biased BBC media luvvies |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | It's over |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I am so fired |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | But if you think this means I'll go quietly |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | You're wrong. I'm going to do a new Instagram post |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | With loads of sexy fruit and veg puns |
