| 00:00 - 00:03 | This is where your bike defaulted into limp mode... |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | before it completely shut down outside of Berlin... |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | next to the Starbucks. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | The rider noticed no warning lights... |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | or other electrical or mechanical symptoms. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | It must be a throttle body syncronization issue. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Tell the rider to balance the throttle bodies and then deliver the bike to me. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Leader |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | BMW |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | BMW says the throttle bodies can't be mechanically balanced. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The ECM automatically balances the throttle bodies. It must be the firmware. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everybody leave except my software engineers. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What do you mean "firmware?" |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | BMW throttle bodies have always been mechanically adjustable. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Now you tell me they can only be adjusted with software? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | The bike will be at the dealer for weeks! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | What shall I ride in the meantime? Spring is here and I have nothing to ride to the front. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | The army was winning using nothing but Camheads. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | The Camhead also needs occasional firmware updates. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | You're not making payments on that Camhead while it waits for a firmware update. |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | If you call BMW Customer Service, I'm sure they will arrange for a loaner bike. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Will Customer Service loan me a Soviet Ural? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Because those things are on their way to Berlin! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Maybe Tojo will send me a Gold Wing |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Or Eisenhower will airdrop a Harley... |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | and a slow thinking Harley woman who loves SS uniforms. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | "Oh Adolf," she'll coo, "I'm a hot, nasty staff typist." |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | If Eva found out, I'd be back on a Bonanza mini-bike... |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | quicker than an expiring KTM warranty. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I already registered for the MOA rally and was looking forward to dinners at 3:30pm with NO STALLING! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I asked BMW if the final drive was still a problem. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Or if stanchion separation was still an issue. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | "Nine, nine," he said. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I bought my bike using BMW's 3asy Ride financing... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | with a balloon payment that will make the Allied lend-lease program look tiny! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Oh, why didn't I use my credit union and stretch the financing to seven years?! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | But no, that swine of a credit manager at the dealership... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | talked me into balloon financing that would embarrass a Swiss bank. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Who do you have to invade to fix something like that? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | He was talking about a country, not you. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | My GSA is quite beautiful. It has every option. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | It has the TFF screen, NAV VI, even hard cases. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | But it's over. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I no longer trust the bike. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I promised you a thousand year Reich. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | But BMW Roadside Assistance lasts only 36 months. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | After that, nothing. |
