00:00 - 00:03The preparations for Operation Rachel's Birthday are nearly complete.
00:04 - 00:05We have stationed mansion-sized bounce houses
00:05 - 00:07at these locations.
00:08 - 00:12The 26.2 mile Slip and Slide is operational.
00:12 - 00:15And the Ball Pit the Size of Detroit is nearly full of balls.
00:17 - 00:19I can't wait to see Rachel's face
00:19 - 00:21When Synyster Gates takes the stage for her birthday concert.
00:24 - 00:26Mein Führer...
00:27 - 00:28Synyster...
00:31 - 00:33Synyster Gates was already booked for a previous engagement.
00:34 - 00:36Avenged Sevenfold album release today.
00:53 - 00:58Everyone attending the Avenged Sevenfold album release, leave the room.
01:13 - 01:15What the fucking fuck?
01:15 - 01:17This party is my birthday gift to Rachel!
01:18 - 01:23I'm afraid to ask what else you've arranged.
01:25 - 01:28Twerking strippers.
01:29 - 01:31Probably wearing teddy bear leotards.
01:31 - 01:34You're busy playing Candy Crush Saga
01:34 - 01:37You don't realize your iPhone is also a communication device.
01:37 - 01:40And now we have no music!
01:40 - 01:42My Führer, we got Keith Richards in Synyster's place...
01:42 - 01:46Keith Richards? He steals plasma from Iggy Pop!
01:46 - 01:48My Führer, my research said girls love him.
01:48 - 01:52Research? From a stone tablet from the 15th century?
01:53 - 01:54He's older than my grandmother!
01:56 - 01:57He probably snorted his grandmother.
01:57 - 02:03Rachel will see him and cry. I'd cry myself if I weren't so damn mad.
02:04 - 02:08I spelled it out on the party rider. Best party ever. Synyster Gates. No kids.
02:08 - 02:13Riding ponies. Nothing scary. No clowns. And you idiots...
02:14 - 02:16...bring me Keith Richards.
02:17 - 02:21Why didn't you just call Tim Curry and have him bring his Pennywise suit?
02:27 - 02:29This is such complete bullshit.
02:30 - 02:34I even had tee shirts made. Rachel's said "Birthday Girl."
02:34 - 02:36Syn's said "Birthday Gift."
02:41 - 02:42Keith Richards.
02:43 - 02:47Sinew and gristle; there's not enough meat on him to make "Birthday Jerky."
02:48 - 02:53This party will be as much fun as fixing grandmother's computer at Thanksgiving.
02:54 - 02:56At least I can hug my grandmother
02:56 - 02:59And she doesn't smell like burning hair and cat pee.
03:00 - 03:02At this point we might as well cancel the party and play Rift.
03:04 - 03:07Don't cry, I'm sure he doesn't mean it.
03:14 - 03:16This is going to be the worst party ever.
03:19 - 03:23I suppose I can give her my Rammstein box set.
03:25 - 03:26I will miss it so.
03:31 - 03:33And the Till "part" has been missing for weeks.
03:40 - 03:46Meanwhile, do something with Keith Richards.
03:46 - 03:49I don't want that guy in my bunker.
03:53 - 03:56Gives me nightmares.