| 00:00 - 00:03 | So...Midtyjlland are top of the league again |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We've collected all the data from the German leagues |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | and we're concentrating on the teams around Berlin |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | There's a ton of underrated sides there |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | We've found another gem like Tim Sparv at Furth |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | That's great lads but what about Brentford? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | How's it going? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Matthew... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | We're 19th... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The back four is fucking useless |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | This data nerd signed a defender called Bellend |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who didn't know about this can leave the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I sacked Warbs for this? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | You all told me to fucking do this |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | All because of this fucking expected goals shit |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | You've made me look a right cunt |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | That twat John Cross is pissing himself |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | 'Brentford's boffins have worked out that the statistics |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | haven't really worked.' The fucking wanker |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | And Warbs is winning the league with Rangers now! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Matthew, it's early in the season. The sample size is small! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | A small sample size? Try telling that to the fucking media! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Matthew, our numbers aren't that bad |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You can shove your numbers up your arse |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | You people and your algorythms |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I've spent a fucking fortune |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | And the best you can come up with is some fella called Bellend |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And the prick is injured and out for the season! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | They're all injured. Dropping like Rooney's keks in an old brass only brothel |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Talking to me about total shots ratio, radars and PDO. Scoring percentage |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | and fucking R-E-G-R-E-S-S-I-O-N |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I'm supposed to be the Billy Beane of fucking football not Damien Commolli |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | So what will you have me do now? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Hire another set piece coach and play long ball football?? |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Pump it in to the big man? |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I'm making Tony Fernandes look like a genius |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | We've signed more players than Harry fucking Redknapp |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Even the Liverpool transfer committee look better than us |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And they spent 10m on Simon Mignolet |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | 20m on Lallana and 20m on Dejan Lovren |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | 20m on Markovic, Illori, Assaidi and Aspas! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry. They'll get Kenny back soon. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | That's it. Close down your servers |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Delete all your spreadsheets, wipe the entire database |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | No more leaning on goalposts |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | The numbers game is lost. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I thought we were being clever fuckers but you can't beat a pair of eyes or measure the size of someone's heart |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Unless you cut it out and whack it on some scales |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Get me Lee Carsley on the phone. |
