| 00:00 - 00:03 | It will be Senior Day in South Bend, with McGaffigan looking to take the courts by storm |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | She has been conditioning non-stop for this day. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | She likes to place drop shots here and here |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | And Line Judge Moses is always on her side for her close shots |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Her teammates are equally fearsome, known to ingest the hearts of small mammals before first service |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | No matter, the ND Women's tennis team will have no fan support. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | No matter, the ND Women's tennis team will have no fan support. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Coach... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The Ra... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The Racqueteers will be present. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Their poet drafts the Facebook event as we speak. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | If you have ever considered any sport more important than women's tennis, get out. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | THE RACQUETEERS!! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | A damn student section at the match! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I knew Louderback was up to something in South Bend! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Every week teams go to the Eck and return minus |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | their ballboy, probably banished to Zahm's basement! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | And McGaffigan! Who ever knew angels played tennis! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | She and Kilner lay waste to anyone brave enough to hit a ball in their area code. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Sheep asking to be led to the slaughter |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Coach LTW, we believe our slice will be an effective counter |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Slice? That's if Chrissie doesn't slice you down first! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Yes I have reviewed the tape and |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Bullshit! She moves too fast for a mere camera to catch her graceful movements! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Like Katherine's serve! We can't touch it! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | That cannon is protected by the second amendment!! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Britney and J-Sabs are an even better pair than cookies and milk |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | No one can stop their parabolic lobs and piercing winners! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | They have a coop in the back for all the chicken dinners they get from winners |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | "Winner, winner, chicken dinner!" |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Our players will have their minds blown from the lyrical genius of the Cat in the Hat |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | They're going to WIN, especially with QUINN! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | And Julie VRABEL, she is more than ABLE. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Darby MOUNTFORD, doesn't need the LORD. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | JOHANA makes me BANANAS. |
| 02:41 - 02:47 | Dammit... Dammit! I'm rhyming too! Curse my three first names! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Why couldn't I have been named something badass like Louderback or Flores? |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Those very names strike fear deep in my heart. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | We're going to be slaughtered! Totally dismembered! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | They will dismantle us piece by piece! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, I'm sure your match will be over quick. 0-6, 0-6. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Do you know what the worst part is? |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | There's not going to be any fro-yo for us to drown our sorrows in. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Lord that stuff is delicious. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Maybe Molly O will be kind enough to serve us some |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | She is the sweetest thing when she's not ripping us apart at the net. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | They'll win, as sure as Max being drunk at the match |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Damn Max is hot. |
