| 00:00 - 00:05 | We have so much work |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | More work than could ever possibly be delivered |
| 00:07 - 00:10 | BS11, QCB |
| 00:11 - 00:16 | Negative interest rates, the list goes on |
| 00:17 - 00:21 | We tell them they need to get better at estimation |
| 00:21 - 00:24 | Not us |
| 00:29 - 00:31 | them |
| 00:31 - 00:34 | Tell them they must be accurate |
| 00:38 - 00:40 | 100% accurate |
| 00:41 - 00:47 | No plus or minus 30% |
| 00:47 - 00:50 | must be 100% accurate |
| 00:50 - 00:56 | must include all dependencies |
| 00:58 - 00:59 | and then |
| 00:59 - 01:01 | send them a survey asking |
| 01:04 - 01:06 | WHY ARE YOU SO SHIT |
| 01:06 - 01:08 | AT ESTIMATES? |
| 01:13 - 01:14 | dumb asses |
| 01:14 - 01:16 | Ignore priorities |
| 01:16 - 01:20 | Ignore funding |
| 01:21 - 01:27 | Why are you all so shit at estimates? |
| 01:35 - 01:36 | Engineers are resigning |
| 01:36 - 01:39 | Technical debt is ballooning |
| 01:41 - 01:44 | We have too much work to do |
| 01:44 - 01:47 | huge deliverables |
| 01:47 - 01:49 | years and years of work |
| 01:50 - 01:53 | Have some more |
| 01:54 - 01:56 | how about |
| 01:56 - 01:58 | 50 more |
| 01:58 - 02:02 | 50 "accelerate" projects |
| 02:05 - 02:07 | must have estimates |
| 02:10 - 02:11 | 100% accurate |
| 02:11 - 02:13 | by next week |
| 02:15 - 02:17 | and a roadmap |
| 02:17 - 02:20 | with dependencies |
| 02:21 - 02:28 | here they are spending all their time doing estimates |
| 02:29 - 02:30 | instead of |
| 02:30 - 02:32 | actually delivering |
| 02:36 - 02:39 | Why won't you commit to a date? |
| 02:40 - 02:42 | why have you missed your deadline? |
| 02:50 - 02:55 | Then we remind them of the values |
| 02:56 - 02:58 | Any EOY pay rises? |
| 02:58 - 03:04 | No fucking way, we just blame that on covid |
| 03:04 - 03:09 | we still made a huge profit |
| 03:09 - 03:11 | but they're not getting any |
| 03:16 - 03:20 | now fuck off |
| 03:23 - 03:26 | and get better |
| 03:31 - 03:36 | at fucking estimates! |
