| 00:00 - 00:03 | SARS-CoV-2 is spreading rapidly in the United States |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | 130 cases in California |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | 140 in New York |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | 162 in Washington State |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And the stock market is collapsing |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Tell the Federal Reserve |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | To cut interest rates |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr. President |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | They already |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | They already cut a half-point |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Markets tanked anyways |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who is hoarding toilet paper, get out |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | We are eight months from the election! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Democrats just got their shit together! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | And a Chinese virus just killed my market? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Mnuchin said a rate cut would always work |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Said the markets always love it |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Tiny Janet Yellen wouldn't do it in 2018 |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | So I put in Powell in 2019 |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | A bull market for a thousand years! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mr. President we can cut rates again |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Cut rates again? Cut again? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Do a big cut....1.5%! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Jared you fucking idiot |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | We only have 1.25% left! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Powell said |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Do the final cuts in September |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Before the election |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Juice the markets |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Shove the S&P 500 in Bernie's Sanders fucking face |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | In every debate |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Bernie's big fat commie tears... |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | ...his tears would fall on the fat 401Ks |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Of every Boomer in the country |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | And I'd ask |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Are you better off |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Than you were four years ago? |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Do want to risk your retirement to a socialist? |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | But now |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | A bear market |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | And Joe fucking Biden |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | At least it wasn't Muller |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I survived Muller |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I survived Pelosi |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | To be taken down |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | by a China virus |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | At least none of us have symptoms |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Tell Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I don't care what happens with the pee tape |
