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Shorten's Nightmare
The Labor Party bunker on the night of the 2019 Australian election

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00:00 - 00:03Mr Shorten, the counts are starting to come in
00:04 - 00:05Queensland's a bloodbath
00:05 - 00:07Tassie's crook
00:08 - 00:12The Territory is OK
00:12 - 00:15But communist Victoria is weak
00:17 - 00:19GetUp! will deliver, I am sure
00:19 - 00:21They've splashed millions around
00:24 - 00:26Mr Shorten
00:27 - 00:28You tell him
00:31 - 00:33We've been thrashed
00:34 - 00:36Clobbered by the retirees and tradies
00:53 - 00:58Anyone who wants Albo or Plebiscite to replace me, leave now
01:13 - 01:15How the fuck could this happen?
01:15 - 01:17I've been doing a 5-week victory lap
01:18 - 01:23Jogging all over the place
01:25 - 01:28Dodging Alan Jones like a matador
01:29 - 01:31Did women voters desert me?
01:31 - 01:34Where's that little rodent, Bowen?
01:34 - 01:37It's all his fault!
01:37 - 01:40"If you don't like us, don't vote for us" Fuck me!
01:40 - 01:42You didn't want to give costings
01:42 - 01:46We're Labor. We don't do "costings"
01:46 - 01:48People don't trust you
01:48 - 01:52How dare you! I know the Pratts
01:53 - 01:54And Quentin Bryce
01:56 - 01:57Rudd and Gillard will be in fits
01:57 - 02:00What am I going to tell Chloe?
02:00 - 02:03Bloody Clive Palmer
02:04 - 02:08He and Jackie Trad's mob have stuffed us
02:08 - 02:13The prize was in my grasp and now this
02:14 - 02:16A giant shit sandwich
02:17 - 02:21How could I lose to a goofball like Morrison?
02:27 - 02:29I can't believe it. After 30 years
02:30 - 02:34Grovelling. Doing deals. Knifing people
02:34 - 02:36Shafting workers if necessary
02:41 - 02:42Maybe Hawkie knew something
02:43 - 02:47No Lodge or Kirribilli House. No more Raheen
02:48 - 02:53All we got from GetUp! was that gap-toothed bimbo
02:54 - 02:56They promised us ten seats
02:56 - 02:59Where are they?
03:00 - 03:02Sally McManus's ads were appalling
03:04 - 03:07It's alright. It was your first time
03:14 - 03:16Cock-of-the-walk to feather duster
03:19 - 03:23What will my pension be?
03:25 - 03:26Destroy the victory pic
03:31 - 03:33And the speech
03:40 - 03:46How can we block Albo? That must be my legacy
03:46 - 03:49Authentic bastard he is!
03:53 - 03:56Fuck me