| 00:00 - 00:03 | Last night I received joyous news about Short Haired Track Twat |
| 00:03 - 00:08 | caption text here |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | She received an MIP |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Here, at West Campus |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | She vomited in front of a DPS officer |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Laura was freaking out at Joey's house |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Fantastic, I hate that annoying bitch |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | She'll be off the team for sure |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | It was... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | It was just a close call |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | She'll still be at practice tomorrow |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who likes Low Jumper get out now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | She shouldn't even be on the team in the first place |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | She's not even an athlete |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Who the fuck high jumps 4'10"? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | That's barely higher than the fucking high hurdles |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | How does something like that bypass the coaches? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | What are they? Retarded? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | It's like they just... |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Picked names out of a phonebook |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But, Sir, Cochrane is a hall of fame coach |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | He should have that revoked because of her |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Fuhrer, He's only got a year left at most |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Do you really think I care about that now? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I thought it was over |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Do you understand |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | What it would mean to never have to listen to here again? |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | It is my salvation. It is my life goal |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | She is everything that is wrong with this world |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | If I have to listen to her say the word mimi one more time |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I will attach razor blades to my dick |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And ram it down her ear-piercing throat |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | She colored at a track meet for fuck's sake |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Cheer on your teammates you slut |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Have you ever seen her run in circles? |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | She looks like a god damned retard |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | It's like she's chasing the tail of bullshit coming out of her ass |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Whatever happened to survival of the fittest? |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | She shouldn't exist |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | You know what I should have done? |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Given her my car to drive back |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, he graduates soon |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I guess I'll have to have extreme restraint |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | But that won't work, her voice pierces my very soul |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | My faith in humanity |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | It's gone. And it won't come back |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | At least she definitely won't be at Conference |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | It's all I have |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I'm in Hell |
