Hitler finds out he is invested in Tesla bonds

37,355 views • 3/28/2018

Description

Hitler's portfolio takes a hit thanks to his arch rival, Goldman Sachs

Captions

00:00 - 00:03I need all portfolio managers in here at once
00:04 - 00:05This is a map of all available investment options we had in 2017
00:05 - 00:07Treasuries here. Equities over here.
00:08 - 00:12Real estate, bitcoin, and precious metals - like gold.
00:12 - 00:15And then this. The Tesla 2025 Senior Notes
00:17 - 00:19As I understand it, you are saying that you could have chosen from
00:19 - 00:21 literally anything on earth
00:24 - 00:26My Fuhrer
00:27 - 00:28Steiner
00:31 - 00:33It was Steiner over at Goldman Sachs
00:34 - 00:36Steiner assured us this was a good investment
00:53 - 00:58If you deployed capital in FANG, real estate, cryptos - you may go
01:13 - 01:15These bonds were rated as junk!
01:15 - 01:17Do you know WTF that means? JUNK!
01:18 - 01:23I would rather you told me you bought Dryships at $70 pre 6 reverse splits ago!
01:25 - 01:28Dryships. Dryships is better than this
01:29 - 01:31At least they have collateral!
01:31 - 01:34You bought junk bonds with no claims on the gigafactory!
01:34 - 01:37You got duped by those squids over at Goldman Sachs again!
01:37 - 01:40They trade against you! Didn't you watch the Senate hearings?!
01:40 - 01:42But Elon Musk is our generation's Da Vinci
01:42 - 01:46Elon Musk should be barking for the yak woman! Or spreading pixie dust on a tilt-a-whirl!
01:46 - 01:48My Fuhrer. Elon launched a car into outer space
01:48 - 01:52That is the stupidest shit I've ever heard
01:53 - 01:54Distractions from Tesla's failures!
01:56 - 01:57This madman is taking a flamethrower to the capital you gave him
01:57 - 02:00Burning it, paying back Solar City bondholders - his cousins
02:00 - 02:03Robots that can't spot weld! And those solar tiles are garbage!
02:04 - 02:08You invested the pension money ... the money that was for safe investments
02:08 - 02:13Put it into junk bonds. And now I find out they are DEEP JUNK BONDS!
02:14 - 02:16You Goddamn millennial portfolio managers are worthless!
02:17 - 02:21The last time interest rates were going up, you were playing with Bristle Blocks!
02:27 - 02:29Its different this time, they said.
02:30 - 02:34They told me I'm too old to understand. Me. Too old.
02:34 - 02:36Your incompetence is incalculable
02:41 - 02:42Simple math
02:43 - 02:47Simple math - addition and subtraction. The more they sell the more they lose!
02:48 - 02:53They cannot service the debt when the borrowing costs begin to rise.
02:54 - 02:56The interest rate has been at 0 for 8 years
02:56 - 02:59Money cannot be free forever! You can't just keep printing it out of thin air!
03:00 - 03:02Central banks are trimming balance sheets and LIBOR is blowing out!!!
03:04 - 03:07Don't worry. I'm sure the bank will refi your HELOC
03:14 - 03:16So this is how it ends
03:19 - 03:23Call our clients and tell them their retirement savings are gone.
03:25 - 03:26There was no alternative.
03:31 - 03:33Retirement is cancelled.
03:40 - 03:46Unless this is all just another garden variety pullback
03:46 - 03:49We are not out of business just yet
03:53 - 03:56Buy The Fukcing Dip