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Hitler finds out he is invested in Tesla bonds
37,554 views • 3/28/2018
Hitler's portfolio takes a hit thanks to his arch rival, Goldman Sachs
00:00 - 00:03
I need all portfolio managers in here at once
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This is a map of all available investment options we had in 2017
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Treasuries here. Equities over here.
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Real estate, bitcoin, and precious metals - like gold.
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And then this. The Tesla 2025 Senior Notes
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As I understand it, you are saying that you could have chosen from
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literally anything on earth
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It was Steiner over at Goldman Sachs
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Steiner assured us this was a good investment
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If you deployed capital in FANG, real estate, cryptos - you may go
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These bonds were rated as junk!
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Do you know WTF that means? JUNK!
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I would rather you told me you bought Dryships at $70 pre 6 reverse splits ago!
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Dryships. Dryships is better than this
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At least they have collateral!
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You bought junk bonds with no claims on the gigafactory!
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You got duped by those squids over at Goldman Sachs again!
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They trade against you! Didn't you watch the Senate hearings?!
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But Elon Musk is our generation's Da Vinci
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Elon Musk should be barking for the yak woman! Or spreading pixie dust on a tilt-a-whirl!
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My Fuhrer. Elon launched a car into outer space
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That is the stupidest shit I've ever heard
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Distractions from Tesla's failures!
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This madman is taking a flamethrower to the capital you gave him
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Burning it, paying back Solar City bondholders - his cousins
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Robots that can't spot weld! And those solar tiles are garbage!
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You invested the pension money ... the money that was for safe investments
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Put it into junk bonds. And now I find out they are DEEP JUNK BONDS!
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You Goddamn millennial portfolio managers are worthless!
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The last time interest rates were going up, you were playing with Bristle Blocks!
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Its different this time, they said.
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They told me I'm too old to understand. Me. Too old.
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Your incompetence is incalculable
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Simple math - addition and subtraction. The more they sell the more they lose!
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They cannot service the debt when the borrowing costs begin to rise.
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The interest rate has been at 0 for 8 years
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Money cannot be free forever! You can't just keep printing it out of thin air!
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Central banks are trimming balance sheets and LIBOR is blowing out!!!
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Don't worry. I'm sure the bank will refi your HELOC
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So this is how it ends
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Call our clients and tell them their retirement savings are gone.
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There was no alternative.
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Retirement is cancelled.
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Unless this is all just another garden variety pullback
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We are not out of business just yet
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Buy The Fukcing Dip
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