| 00:00 - 00:03 | GOOD MORNING TENNIS GROUPIES, I HAVE BAD NEWS |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | TENNIS IS UNDER ATTACK |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | PLAYERS ARE SWITCHING TO PICKLEBALL IN DROVES |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | AND THEY PAINTED NEW LINES ON.... |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | OUR OFFICER CLUB TENNIS COURTS HERE |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | STEINER SAYS, NOT TO WORRY |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | IT'S JUST A FAD |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | MR. TENNIS BOSS |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | STEINER..... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | STEINER WAS SEEN PLAYING PICKLEBALL AT THE VILLAGES |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | AND HIS MATCH WAS UPLOADED TO YouTUBE |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | IF YOU'VE EVER TOUCHED A PICKLEBALL PADDLE, LEAVE THE ROOM WHILE YOU CAN STILL WALK. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | THIS REALLY PISSES ME OFF |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | A TOTAL DISGRACE TO OUR GREAT ATHLETES LIKE BORIS BECKER |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | IT'S PROBABLY A BUNCH OF OLD FARTS.... |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | WHO CAN BARELY WALK |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | AND PUTTING THEIR LINES ON OUR TENNIS COURTS |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | GET YOUR LAZY ASSES OUT THERE AND STOP THIS |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I ORDER YOU TO DO IT NOW |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | BUT SIR THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | IF YOU DON'T STOP THIS, TENNIS WILL END UP LIKE HORSESHOES OR CORNHOLE |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | BUT SIR, THE AARP HAS ENDORSED THIS GAME |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS. PICKLEBALL, WHAT A STUPID NAME |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | SOUNDS LIKE A FARM GAME |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | THAT YOU PLAY IN BIB OVERALLS |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | NOT IN OUR NICE TENNIS WHITES |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | THAT SHOW OFF OUR MUSCULAR LEGS |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | HOLY SHIT, WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | THE CRAP I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THESE DAYS |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | WHAT IN THE HELL DO I HAVE YOU GOOFBALLS HERE? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | THIS WHOLE MESS SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING DREAMED UP BY STALIN |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | GOOD GOD, HERE GOES MY BLOOD PRESSURE |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I'M GONNA KICK THE DUDES ASS WHO STARTED THIS GAME |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | AND WITH MY OWN BARE HANDS |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | FREAKING PICKLEBALL |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I WANT YOU GUYS TO SEARCH ALL LOCKERS FOR PADDLES AND BALLS |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | AND CONFISGATE THE PAINT THEY USE FOR LINES TOO |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | MY SS BOYS WILL STOP THIS NONSENSE |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | AND DON'T EVEN TELL ME THAT WOMEN... |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | ARE PLAYING THIS GAME TOO! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | IT'S OK FREDA. THEY WILL NOT FIND OUR PADDLES. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TOO? |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I'M FEELING MORE DEPRESSED BY THE MINUTE |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I'M SURE NONE OF YOU GUYS |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | HAVE EVER TRIED THIS GAME, RIGHT? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I DON'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO CALL MY BUDDY BORIS BECKER |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | AND GIVE HIM THIS TERRIBLE NEWS |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | MAYBE I'LL JUST TAKE UP BADMITTON |
