Ward turns 49
1 views9/13/2026
Someone's not happy at Wardy's continued existence and decides more extreme measures will need to be taken
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| 00:00 - 00:03 | In line with your orders |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | we have seen multiple |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | coffee shops, bakeries |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | bars and tobacconists |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | offer generous subsidies to Irish tourists |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | And yet despite your "best efforts" |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | the plan has failed? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Well, erm... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Mein Fuhrer, I must inform you |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | that Peter Ward is still alive |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | You're telling me that we put |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | every damn temptation in his path |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | And he still lives to his 49th birthday?! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | What sort of buffoons are you? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | He had enough vices to kill an elephant |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | AND YET HE PERSISTS!! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Even now, as a feckless unemployed bum |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | where he has 24 hours a day to indulge |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | in his worst impulses |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Fuhrer, we tried our best |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Well, it wasn't bloody good enough, was it?! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | What else were we meant to do, Mein Fuhrer?! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Oh I don't know, Heinreich |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | maybe try a bit harder?! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Brew double strength HopHouse? |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Triple the sugar in his beloved cakes |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Sell smokes in packs of 90 |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Why am I the only one coming up with ideas here? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | He's one man, one bloody man! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | He's not bleedin' invincible! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | He's from Broadmeadows, for Christ's sake, not Krypton! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | How am I surrounded by such incompetence? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | We have one more shot at this |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | One year before he turns 50 |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | We have to get this done |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | No more damned excuses |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I want a specialist bakery division |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | A brewery batallion |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | A platoon of stormtroopers |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | armed only with packs of Marlboros |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | You're a decent baker, aren't you Helga? |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I swear to God |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | if I have to go to his 50th birthday party |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | so help me |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I'll have your bleedin' heads |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We cannot fail again |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Today is Day One of |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | The Ward Solution |