| 00:00 - 00:03 | Media predicts Reform will easily win Gorton and Denton. Our Mumbai bot farm is in overdrive |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | The BBC is on side, we've followed the usual 2016 playbook |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Anyone who criticises us is trolled to death |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Islamaphobia, fear and homophobia have been weaponised |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Comrade Putin is satisfied |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Okay, book me onto BBC Breakfast |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | And cancel my colonic |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Look, erm, Nigel... Erm |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Erm |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Matt Goodwin failed to win the seat |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | We lost to The Greens |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everybody except Tice, Anderson and Jenrick out NOW |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | He lost to the fucking greens? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Their candidate was a fucking plumber |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | And she's a fuckin woman! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | We spent millions on this! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | A monkey in a turquoise rosette could've won |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I told you cunts Goodwin was too posh |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Why did he make our plans for women public? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | How did we lose to them? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But master, we beat Labour |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | They're the government, you moron, they never win by elections |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | We beat the tories and Mr oink, though |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Oh woopy doo, that's alright then. Tosser |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Bloody lefty northerners! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | We'll be a laughingstock online |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Rupert Lowe will be ROFL at me |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Our grift is in serious trouble |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Putin and Trump are gonna go mental |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | What do we do with Matt now? |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Call him the Shadow MP for Gorton and Denton? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Lefty twats will be mocking us all weekend |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | That Lowe fucker will pay for this |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | How can he be more racist than us? |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | That smug Terry Christian mocks us |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I'll never listen to you again |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | From now on I choose candidates |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | If we can find any |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Everyone's gone to Restore |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | You said hiring failed tories would help! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | It wasted our USP |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, they can't cancel their memberships |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | What the fuck will we do now? |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Full English posts? |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Rant about Halal? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | The grift is over |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | No amount of flagshagging can help us |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I mean, what can we do? |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Defect to Reform? |
