| 00:00 - 00:03 | The Gestapo is unpopular |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | They face increased scrutiny |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Social media is hostile |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Woke MSM is straight clowning on you |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and the French are laughing |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | My acceptance speech will |
| 00:20 - 00:21 | put an end to this |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr President... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The committee... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The committee has selected another candidate |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They're giving the peace prize to some latina |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | The following stay here: Keitel, Jodl, Krebs and Burgdorf |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | That prize was mine |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Everybody knows it was mine |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I was promised that prize |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | People said I had it locked up |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Is this fairness? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I ended so many wars |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Hundreds of wars |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | They owe me a prize |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, the FIFA prize.... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | The FIFA prize is shit |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, Mr Støre assures me... |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | He can suck my dick |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I ended more |
| 01:55 - 01:57 | wars than anyone |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Some very big wars |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Huge ones |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | The committee is weak |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Very weak people making big decisions |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Totally rigged. I will not tolerate this |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | They give prizes to talkers |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I didn't talk about peace |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I delivered peace, very strongly |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | They’ve never fixed anything |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Such disrespect |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | For years, I stabilized continents |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Disrespectful, tiny, snowy country |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Fine. Then we’ll respond. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | They will remember this |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | They will remember it very clearly |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | My god he's actually losing it |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | We’ll take Greenland |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Nobody even uses it properly |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | It's mostly ice |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Very Norwegian ice |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Obama got a prize for existing |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I actually did things, and that’s apparently worse. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | This is so unfair |
