| 00:00 - 00:03 | My Fuhrer, as per your plan to undermine The English |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | The Scots now control all golf societies in Tenerife. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | George controls Cheers. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Barry runs The Illuminati. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And Robster is from Blackpool, so must have a Scottish father. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Excellent. And with the Scottish |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | victory in The Calcutta Ryder Cup, The English will be completely demoralished. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer...... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Scotland.... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Scotland got dicked in The Ryder Cup. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They now trail the series 3-2. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who bought all red raffle tickets; get the fuck out ! |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the fuck is going on ? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | The fuckers invented the game |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Now they are behind in the series. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | You told me they were nailed on |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | having won the first 2 cups. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Bob Buchanan, Barry Halsman, Marshall Wood |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | These are experienced players, and they can't beat the English pisspots. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I pawned Eva's engagement ring on this, and I'm now in deep shit ! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But my Fuhrer, Chris Cufflin is off 4. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Bollocks ! Douglas Bader's knees are better than his. |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My Fuhrer, they also had Stevie G and he's the champion golfer |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | This ipencil s straight, his drives are like a Canarian banana ! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | The haggis munching gits ! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Probably pissed on MacCallan, after the first day. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Why can't they play like they did |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | In the first year. Now it's 'whoosh, oh no !' |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Looks like the big courses are too long for them |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Maybe they should stick to playing Los Palos. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Or better still, El Faro on the Golden Mile |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I remember taking on The Reds there and dicking Stalin |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | That's it. We are condemned |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | To another year of Dave Arthur piss taking. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | We're never going to hear the end of it. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | It's going to be like 1966 all over again. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Where the fuck was Bob MacIntyre ? |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I thought he was coming in for Matt Black ? |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | No ! We've got Hogie and The Bruce |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | It's like having The Crankies in the team. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | What fucking chance have we got ? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't cry. This was the last Calcutta Ryder Cup |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | That's it boys, we're fucked ! |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | We'll have to come up with a plan B. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Maybe drinking. The Scots are good at that. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | No, on second thoughts forget it. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We'd probably lose that too. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | It's over |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Joseph, the cyanide please. |
