Hitler reacts to Danny Bainbridge's upcoming audition for the Berlin Conservatoire
19 views6/6/2025
Danny Bainbridge has decided to apply for a postgraduate degree in piano performance at the Berlin Conservatoire. Professor Hitler, newly appointed Director of Musicology & Performance Studies, reacts to the news that his colleagues have already approved the pre-audition tape that Danny sent in of him playing Rachmaninoff's piano concerto N° 3 in D minor and that Danny will shortly be arriving in Berlin for the actual live audition before a jury.
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▸Show captions (49)
| 00:00 - 00:03 | Gentlemen, Danny is arriving today. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | In his clapped-out Ford. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | There's a bit of traffic. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | He'll be passing the villages of Frohnau and Pankau |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | before arriving at the Berliner concert hall. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Hopefully he'll get a puncture |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and not turn up at all. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Boss... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | the Steinway... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | He asked for the Steinway to be "prepared". |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The Steinway's now full of nuts and bolts. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Every cunt out except for professors Keitel, Jodel, Krebs and Burgdorf. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | It's outrageous! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | How dare you "prepare" the Steinway! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | What the fuck is he planning to play, anyway? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Some awful crap by Cage, no doubt! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | We can't admit him! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | He'll ruin your reputation as former men of the SS! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Anyway, we don't want some poncy Brit |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | with a crap degree lording it over us! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Hang on boss, he's a former student of... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | As if I give a shit! We can't admit him! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But boss, we need the fees. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You twat of a bloody bean-counter, you! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Can your tin ears hear me? |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I bet he'll start the |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | audition with 4'33" as if that will |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | impress us one fucking bit, eh? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Followed by some poxy "sonata" by that twat Brian Lock. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I'd rather open a vein than listen to that, I tell you! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And let God be my witness... ... |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | he'll turn up drunk, reeking of vodka like that cunt Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Spare a thought for our Academy! |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | But I can stop this, I alone have the duty to do so! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | To protect Europe's culture. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Jesus wept! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | The times I told you never to admit anyone with a degree from UEA! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Imagine the horror for our decent German folk! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | But I'll make sure you pay for this, you scum! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I'm gonna dock your pay next month, you'll see! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | And then I'll have your impure blood! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's OK, he's been on the morphine again. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Just a moment, I've got a bit of wind. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | No, I think I've crapped in my pants. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Wow, it stinks. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I need a wet-wipe. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Anyway, it's too late now to stop Danny from playing here to us. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | We'll just have to grin and bear it! |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I'll take that cyanide capsule now. |