| 00:00 - 00:03 | Hitler... the Russians are nearly here... |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We need to escape immediately. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | If we don't, you'll be in a show trial in Moscow by Monday morning. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | I hear they've picked out something for you to wear. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Some nice red lederhosen - from the tailor around the corner. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | OK... I think it's time for me to retrain as a journalist. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | You know I always wanted to do that. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Fuhrer... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | But you didn't do GCSE History... |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | It's nearly impossible to get a good job without a GCSE in History. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who did GCSE History get out now... |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Just us losers left, then!? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | How was I supposed to know it would be so important? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | They made me choose when I was 12 you know!! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | It's not my fault I never learned to write proper. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Or form coherent sentences... |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | The things I could have learned!! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Like, why invading Russia is a REALLY BAD IDEA!!!! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Why did no one ever tell me that?? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Fuhrer, but we didn't do GCSE History either... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Idiots!!! How was I supposed to win surrounded by you people?? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Fuhrer, that makes me very sad... |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Silence!!! I missed SO MUCH!!! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Mrs Barnes would have taught me how to beat Stalin... |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I never got to play Mr. Ponte's Cold War dice game... |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | ... that took him hours, you know... |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I never got to re-enact Agincourt with Mr. Silver... |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | ... some longbowmen would have come in really handy at Leningrad. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Think of how tough my Generals would have been had they been taught by Ms Ramzan! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | We would have been unbeatable!!! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Unbeatable, I tell you... like Stalin!! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | But no... I dropped the ball when I was 12... |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I could have done so much more with my life... |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I could have been a sports journalist. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I could have been a news reporter. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | But the BBC won't talk to me... or the Guardian... not even the Daily Mail... |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Not even the Daily Mail - do you know how that makes me feel?? |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Journalism... law... jobs where you need to think and talk good... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | ... it's all gone - my dreams are over! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | They'll laugh at me down the job centre... |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay - YOU can still get a good job... |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I thought I was being smart... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Why did I waste all my youth playing FIFA? |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I just wanted 20 Twitch followers... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | No, my war is lost... |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | No one wants a failed dictator who doesn't know what happened in the Cold War. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Maybe I should just wait here for the Russians to turn up. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Bugger. |
