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100 views • 10/25/2022
Tom Holmoe meets in secret with the football coaching staff after losing to Liberty 41-14 to discuss the future of coach Ilaisa Tuiaki, defensive coordinator of the now hapless Cougs.
00:00 - 00:03
Director Holmoe, I've watched all the game tape.
00:04 - 00:05
It's not the scheme.
00:05 - 00:07
Note the down linemen here and here
00:08 - 00:12
We simply lack the talent to execute the scheme
00:12 - 00:15
and the strength to bull rush and pressure the QB.
00:17 - 00:19
But isn't it our coordinator's
00:19 - 00:21
job to recruit and coach that talent?
00:24 - 00:26
My director. . . .
00:27 - 00:28
Tuiaki . . .
00:31 - 00:33
Tuiaki is the finest coach we have.
00:34 - 00:36
It's not Tuiaki's fault.
00:53 - 00:58
I want to see Sitake, Lamb, Roderick, Fesi, and Cosmo.
01:13 - 01:15
Tuiaki is the finest coach we have?!
01:15 - 01:17
I mean, what in the f*tching f*tch?!
01:18 - 01:23
We got our cougar tails handed to us by a bunch of literal flamers!
01:25 - 01:28
Liberty?! Do they even know how ironic their name is?!
01:29 - 01:31
They outscored us 38-0!
01:31 - 01:34
Their 4th string QB blitzkrieged us all game long!!
01:34 - 01:37
We folded quicker than the French at Compiègne!
01:37 - 01:40
And it's. NOT. TUIAKI'S. FAULT!!!
01:40 - 01:42
Director, I was calling the plays . . .
01:42 - 01:46
And that's supposed to make me feel BETTER is it?!
01:46 - 01:48
Director, I am not detecting your love and learning!
01:48 - 01:52
Don't get me started on that smarmy, preschool slogan!
01:53 - 01:54
We've loved enough!
01:56 - 01:57
Allowing touchdowns isn't loving.
01:57 - 02:00
It's the very definition of losing!
02:00 - 02:03
[BREATHES] I feel like I'm back at Cal Berkeley!!!
02:04 - 02:08
But at least there I could get second-hand high!
02:08 - 02:13
It took me years just to get caffeine sold at LES
02:14 - 02:16
which only means I'm even more awake for this cr*p!!!
02:17 - 02:21
You want to know what my costume is this year? Do you?!
02:27 - 02:29
It's a lovely little number,
02:30 - 02:34
one I spent months dreaming and planning for.
02:34 - 02:36
It's Bruno, from Disney's Encanto
02:41 - 02:42
Yes, that Bruno.
02:43 - 02:47
Do you know how long these take to make?! How hard it is to be topical?!
02:48 - 02:53
And every time you lose like this, you make me look so fl*pping infantile!!
02:54 - 02:56
Terminate Bronco, they said.
02:56 - 02:59
We couldn't do any worse, they said.
03:00 - 03:02
We hired a washed up dancer and his cousins!
03:04 - 03:07
It's OK Anna, he's a really good dancer.
03:14 - 03:16
Can I even do a costume this year?
03:19 - 03:23
This isn't fun anymore, is it guys?
03:25 - 03:26
It feels like work.
03:31 - 03:33
The scheme isn't the problem.
03:40 - 03:46
It's not even the players or the coaches. That's right.
03:46 - 03:49
It's those d*rn cougarboarders.
03:53 - 03:56
I miss LaVell.
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