Mike dictates the company direction
7,239 views7/15/2014
Mike, the bell curve normalisation plan has taken effect So far, employees have been downgraded here, and here. Next week, we'll tell them to take 3 days holiday at Christmas then, we'll disguise it by talking about clouds, cyber, big data and client satisfaction Make it 5 days holiday
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| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mike, the bell curve normalisation plan has taken effect |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | So far, employees have been downgraded |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | here, and here. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Next week, we'll tell them to take 3 days holiday at Christmas |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | then, we'll disguise it by talking about clouds, cyber, big data and client satisfaction |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Make it 5 days holiday |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and liquidate some more peasants |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mike... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | We.. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | We already announced a further 750 |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | But we're having problems identifying who they should be |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | All those who partially met requirements, get out now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How fucking hard can it be to find someone in scope!? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | These HR half wits are driving me fucking nuts! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | We've already missed the revenue target by 8% |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Even my pay is down by 40% because of these fuckers |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I'm gonna fuck them big style! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Even fucking David got a $75,000 pay rise |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Wall Street will have my balls if I don't deliver |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | And the SEC investigation is ongoing into our accounts |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But Mike, the employees are not happy and depressed |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fuck their happiness, we're already giving them 5 days at Christmas |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mike, they are pissed off and looking for new jobs |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I need that share price at $65 by next week |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | So I can sell mine to some poor fuck |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | My luxury yacht and sexy bitches |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Cost a fucking fortune |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Especially the 30 person onboard jacuzzi |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | You fucks need to make some more cash |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | The mooring costs alone are fucking atronomical |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | All I want is for you to get rid of some fucks |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Start looking at those useless layer 3 fucks |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | They were calling me laughing boy on the forums |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I'll show them fucking laughing... |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | ...all the way to the fucking bank! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Freeze the pensions... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Stop renewing contracts, and offshore as many of the fuckers as you can |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Start selling other peoples products repackaged as our own |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Nobody will fucking notice |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Sell off some more offices, have the fuckers share cubicles |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Maybe they'll all just FUCK OFF! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's ok Liz, just update your skillset on GRM |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | The growth and transformation plan should be taking effect |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Keep the wool pulled over their eyes |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Just long enough... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | For me to get my bonus |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | and bugger off into the sunset |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | with a suitcase full of cash |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | maybe I can get a job at IBM |