| 00:00 - 00:03 | Good Afternoon Meine Fuhrer |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We have had reports |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Metal Detectorists falling sick |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | One of the sick was apparently |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | trying to swim in the barley stubble naked. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | It was a very hot day |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | They must have had Heat Stroke |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Meine Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Eva |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | had Baked them one of her "special" |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Chocolate Brown Cakes |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Brown Carter and Kribbs stay behind |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the fu*% are you telling me |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Eva had baked them space cakes? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | This is meant to be a metal detecting Rally |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | You stupid people |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | These was meant to be sent to |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Creamfields and Leeds festival. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | This was meant to be all about the hammy dances |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Not getting chased by pink unicorns riding Harley Davidsons |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | They certainly looked Hammered ! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | This is no laughing matter you bafoon |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Meine Fuhrer Im Sorry |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | The event resembles a scene |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | out of a zombie film |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | We have had to send our luftwaffe |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | to pinpoint the poor souls lost around |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | "High" Melton |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | What happened to all the usual party games |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Irish Bingo |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And the Token Hunt |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Now the marquee looks like |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | A Field asylum |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | for the deranged and the marquee covered in vomit |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I will never hear the last of this |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Facebook instagram |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | and all that social networking shi* |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | instead of pictures showing |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | WW2 Buttons and a random Hammered Coin |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Instead its going to contain Ambulances |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | and spaced out detectorists |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Do you have any left Eva? |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | We need to make this right |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Remove some of your golden buttons and medals |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | and bury them |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | in the plough line |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | And pull out the karaoke |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Someone will want to sing |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Black Sabbath's Sweet Leaf |
