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Hitler Reacts to The Parker House News
12,832 views • 5/2/2019
Thoughts and prayers with all of The Parker House's patrons
00:00 - 00:03
With Memorial Day fast approaching
00:04 - 00:05
we need to start planning our assaults
00:05 - 00:07
on our favorite bars of the Jersey shore.
00:08 - 00:12
Due to all the changes at The Parker House
00:12 - 00:15
we need to consider changing our time proven weekend strategy.
00:17 - 00:19
I don't give a shit about the
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straws made of hay.
00:24 - 00:26
00:27 - 00:28
00:31 - 00:33
They've closed the upstairs bar on weekends.
00:34 - 00:36
...holiday Sunday's too.
00:53 - 00:58
Exit the room unless you have a room, are local, VIP or Roddy.
01:13 - 01:15
This is the last fucking straw!
01:15 - 01:17
Every year the vice tightens on my proverbial Parker House nuts!
01:18 - 01:23
For years now, these yuppie neighbors have been ruining a regional icon!
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And management certainly has not helped.
01:29 - 01:31
First it was no more dollar Bud Lights.
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Moving the line around back, cancelling the run.
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Then this fucking shake up last year with the VIP Cards!
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I can barely get a regular uber full in VIP now- let alone a full van!
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My Führer, The Parker House just wants to keep the community happy.
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Fuck the fucking community!
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My Führer, you need to acknowledge the pressure from the town
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These whiners are just new homeowners pissed they bought a block from
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the most popular bar at the shore!
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How am I supposed to escape that basement humidity-
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run upstairs for some fresh air, a piss and a Laker re-fill-
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hoping to run into that first year blondie from last summer!?
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Now that we are getting older upstairs was becoming more of a staple then retreat
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The Boom-Boom room for when you want to get busy with a perfect sideline at the middle bar
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I was finally getting to know that cute bartender up there.
02:17 - 02:21
These fucking benny's with their littering, puking and Juuls ruin everything!
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I have given my summer life to that place
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not to mention about half of my life savings.
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Only to have it all come crashing down.
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can you see the most beautiful girls in the world, get absolutely shitfaced and still bring your mother!?
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The Parker House maintained a perfect balance of debauchery and class
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Well no more- these new rules will send
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all the floozies to Osprey and D'jais-
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and the classy chicks all the way up to fucking Columns!
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Please stop crying, our VIP cards will still work at Columns.
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Life as we know it is over.
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The cornerstone of our twenties, effectively gone.
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All great things.. must end.
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I have been resisting D'Jais since my first summer
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but we are left with no choice.
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D'Jais for the day, Columns at night.
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