| 00:00 - 00:03 | With Memorial Day fast approaching |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | we need to start planning our assaults |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | on our favorite bars of the Jersey shore. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Due to all the changes at The Parker House |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | we need to consider changing our time proven weekend strategy. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | I don't give a shit about the |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | straws made of hay. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Führer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | They've closed.. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | They've closed the upstairs bar on weekends. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | ...holiday Sunday's too. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Exit the room unless you have a room, are local, VIP or Roddy. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | This is the last fucking straw! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Every year the vice tightens on my proverbial Parker House nuts! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | For years now, these yuppie neighbors have been ruining a regional icon! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | And management certainly has not helped. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | First it was no more dollar Bud Lights. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Moving the line around back, cancelling the run. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Then this fucking shake up last year with the VIP Cards! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I can barely get a regular uber full in VIP now- let alone a full van! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My Führer, The Parker House just wants to keep the community happy. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Fuck the fucking community! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My Führer, you need to acknowledge the pressure from the town |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | These whiners are just new homeowners pissed they bought a block from |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | the most popular bar at the shore! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | How am I supposed to escape that basement humidity- |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | run upstairs for some fresh air, a piss and a Laker re-fill- |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | hoping to run into that first year blondie from last summer!? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Now that we are getting older upstairs was becoming more of a staple then retreat |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | The Boom-Boom room for when you want to get busy with a perfect sideline at the middle bar |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I was finally getting to know that cute bartender up there. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | These fucking benny's with their littering, puking and Juuls ruin everything! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I have given my summer life to that place |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | not to mention about half of my life savings. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Only to have it all come crashing down. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Where else |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | can you see the most beautiful girls in the world, get absolutely shitfaced and still bring your mother!? |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | The Parker House maintained a perfect balance of debauchery and class |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Well no more- these new rules will send |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | all the floozies to Osprey and D'jais- |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | and the classy chicks all the way up to fucking Columns! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Please stop crying, our VIP cards will still work at Columns. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Life as we know it is over. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | The cornerstone of our twenties, effectively gone. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Fuck it. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | All great things.. must end. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I have been resisting D'Jais since my first summer |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | but we are left with no choice. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | D'Jais for the day, Columns at night. |
