Hitler Reacts to The Parker House News

12,829 views • 5/2/2019

Description

Thoughts and prayers with all of The Parker House's patrons

Captions

00:00 - 00:03With Memorial Day fast approaching
00:04 - 00:05we need to start planning our assaults
00:05 - 00:07on our favorite bars of the Jersey shore.
00:08 - 00:12Due to all the changes at The Parker House
00:12 - 00:15we need to consider changing our time proven weekend strategy.
00:17 - 00:19I don't give a shit about the
00:19 - 00:21straws made of hay.
00:24 - 00:26My Führer
00:27 - 00:28They've closed..
00:31 - 00:33They've closed the upstairs bar on weekends.
00:34 - 00:36...holiday Sunday's too.
00:53 - 00:58Exit the room unless you have a room, are local, VIP or Roddy.
01:13 - 01:15This is the last fucking straw!
01:15 - 01:17Every year the vice tightens on my proverbial Parker House nuts!
01:18 - 01:23For years now, these yuppie neighbors have been ruining a regional icon!
01:25 - 01:28And management certainly has not helped.
01:29 - 01:31First it was no more dollar Bud Lights.
01:31 - 01:34Moving the line around back, cancelling the run.
01:34 - 01:37Then this fucking shake up last year with the VIP Cards!
01:37 - 01:40I can barely get a regular uber full in VIP now- let alone a full van!
01:40 - 01:42My Führer, The Parker House just wants to keep the community happy.
01:42 - 01:46Fuck the fucking community!
01:46 - 01:48My Führer, you need to acknowledge the pressure from the town
01:48 - 01:52These whiners are just new homeowners pissed they bought a block from
01:53 - 01:54the most popular bar at the shore!
01:56 - 01:57How am I supposed to escape that basement humidity-
01:57 - 02:00run upstairs for some fresh air, a piss and a Laker re-fill-
02:00 - 02:03hoping to run into that first year blondie from last summer!?
02:04 - 02:08Now that we are getting older upstairs was becoming more of a staple then retreat
02:08 - 02:13The Boom-Boom room for when you want to get busy with a perfect sideline at the middle bar
02:14 - 02:16I was finally getting to know that cute bartender up there.
02:17 - 02:21These fucking benny's with their littering, puking and Juuls ruin everything!
02:27 - 02:29I have given my summer life to that place
02:30 - 02:34not to mention about half of my life savings.
02:34 - 02:36Only to have it all come crashing down.
02:41 - 02:42Where else
02:43 - 02:47can you see the most beautiful girls in the world, get absolutely shitfaced and still bring your mother!?
02:48 - 02:53The Parker House maintained a perfect balance of debauchery and class
02:54 - 02:56Well no more- these new rules will send
02:56 - 02:59all the floozies to Osprey and D'jais-
03:00 - 03:02and the classy chicks all the way up to fucking Columns!
03:04 - 03:07Please stop crying, our VIP cards will still work at Columns.
03:14 - 03:16Life as we know it is over.
03:19 - 03:23The cornerstone of our twenties, effectively gone.
03:25 - 03:26Fuck it.
03:31 - 03:33All great things.. must end.
03:40 - 03:46I have been resisting D'Jais since my first summer
03:46 - 03:49but we are left with no choice.
03:53 - 03:56D'Jais for the day, Columns at night.