00:00 - 00:03So it should be straight forward.
00:04 - 00:05Programmatic buying is easy
00:05 - 00:07I mean it's been around for years
00:08 - 00:121 in 2 digital dollars is spent that way
00:12 - 00:15and Paul Gubbins has posted 17,000 articles on the subject
00:17 - 00:19Good. Everyone understands it all then.
00:19 - 00:21we can probably stop using the term 'programmatic' all together
00:24 - 00:26It's just
00:27 - 00:28Well it's not quite that simple
00:31 - 00:33No one knows what the fuck they're doing
00:34 - 00:36People still use 'programmatic' as a noun
00:53 - 00:58Leave the room if you don't know the difference between a DSP and a Spanish omelette
01:13 - 01:15What the fuck do you mean?
01:15 - 01:17Are you telling me all those panels i sat on meant nothing?
01:18 - 01:23I thought we'd at least settled on a single definition of 'programmatic'
01:25 - 01:28But no - we can't even do that.
01:29 - 01:31Someone the other day even asked me
01:31 - 01:34"Can I buy programmatic?"
01:34 - 01:37I was like 'what the fuck does that even mean?'
01:37 - 01:40Now we have to start explaining SPO and open RTB 2.5 too?
01:40 - 01:42Maybe all the acronyms are the problem
01:42 - 01:46Bollocks! Acronyms make everything better!
01:46 - 01:48But they're confusing people - we can't even define 'PMP'
01:48 - 01:52Then make another 'programmatic glossary'
01:53 - 01:54And share the Google doc to it
01:56 - 01:57Everyone loves reading Google docs about programmatic stuff
01:57 - 02:00and record all the training sessions too
02:00 - 02:03because people love to rewatch training sessions they've sat in
02:04 - 02:08In fact - cancel all client and partner lunches
02:08 - 02:13until everyone's completed a certification in 'Programmatic 101'
02:14 - 02:16No more Hawksmoor fillet steaks for you until you've completed the web learning
02:17 - 02:21Make the questions multiple choice though - people need to be able to complete it whilst listening to a 'friday feeling' Spotify playlist
02:27 - 02:29Now someone invite me to a partner drinks
02:30 - 02:34'cos having to think about all this shit stresses me the fuck out
02:34 - 02:36I just want it all to be easy - like in that IAB video
02:41 - 02:42But no of course not
02:43 - 02:47It's like constantly showing the lumscape didn't help anyone
02:48 - 02:53What more can I do than show a slide with every ad tech vendor on it?
02:54 - 02:56I think maybe we should just give it all up
02:56 - 02:59Go back to fucking IO buying
03:00 - 03:02and IASH accreditation
03:04 - 03:07We'd better get the fax machine out
03:14 - 03:16I guess we made a rod for our own back
03:19 - 03:23Programmatic buying is now a victim of it's own accountability
03:25 - 03:26Well fuck the DSP
03:31 - 03:33Call JCDecaux
03:40 - 03:46And buy the digital billboard on Piccadilly
03:46 - 03:49It's easier than learning about 'programmatic'
03:53 - 03:56Now even I'm using it as a noun...