Darkside Quarterly Review Meeting
the Darkside boss discovers that his employees have made a grave mistake...


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00:00 - 00:03Ransom payments are flowing in.
00:04 - 00:05Our affiliates are killing it,
00:05 - 00:07increasing installs by the day.
00:08 - 00:12We are exceeding our goals and will soon need additional customer service reps.
00:12 - 00:15We have 10 new targets where we are close to domain dominance...
00:17 - 00:19But who did we hit this week?
00:19 - 00:21I only care about successful deployments.
00:24 - 00:26Igor, sir...
00:27 - 00:28We...
00:31 - 00:33We ransomed an American oil pipeline.
00:34 - 00:37The pipeline itself is now offline and gas prices are rising.
00:53 - 00:58If you do not manage affiliates, please leave the room.
01:13 - 01:15Skids! You are recruiting skids!
01:15 - 01:17Your work is as messy as your apartments!
01:18 - 01:23For fuck's sake, why would you allow them to deploy in a critical infrastructure environment?
01:25 - 01:28Do you have no shame?
01:29 - 01:31Do you want to be executed or just arrested?
01:31 - 01:34The money does not matter if we are extradited!
01:34 - 01:37We have de facto cart blanche here and you want to ruin it.
01:37 - 01:40It's like you want the stupid Americans to hunt us down.
01:40 - 01:42But, Igor, it was going to be 15 bitcoins.
01:42 - 01:46And how will you spend your bitcoin in American prison, Vasily?
01:46 - 01:48I did not realize bricking the corporate network..
01:48 - 01:52Don't give me this network segmentation bullshit.
01:53 - 01:54We all know nobody properly segments!
01:56 - 01:57The Purdue Model is only a dream
01:57 - 02:00in the minds of idiots.
02:00 - 02:03Of course they will shut down operations out of caution
02:04 - 02:08They know not the character of our souls.
02:08 - 02:13They know only of our determination and lack of scruples.
02:14 - 02:16Imagine the absolute drivel I will have to write
02:17 - 02:22so that American politicians will think we are not awful people and lobby for our arrest.
02:27 - 02:29It won't work anyway.
02:30 - 02:34They have seen how little we care if there is money to be made.
02:34 - 02:36The sword can be pulled from their back
02:41 - 02:42but the wound will be filled
02:43 - 02:47with draconian policy and articles about cyber pearl harbor.
02:48 - 02:53Even mouth breathing sloths will notice our misdeeds the next time they go to the gas station.
02:54 - 02:56Politicians who don't even know how to open PDF
02:56 - 02:59will be clamoring to arrest us.
03:00 - 03:02Hide your fucking gold bars.
03:04 - 03:07It's okay, we will moderate the affiliates more closely.
03:14 - 03:16We will release a statement
03:19 - 03:23that says some stupid shit like
03:25 - 03:26"Our goal is making money,
03:31 - 03:33not creating problems for society."
03:40 - 03:46But this will not suffice. We are under the spotlight and it is more than nerds who care now.
03:46 - 03:49You are the reason that we can't have nice things.
03:53 - 03:56Just please tell me we have more borscht.