00:00 - 00:03The printer in my office doesn't work.
00:04 - 00:05But the allies have good ones.
00:05 - 00:07Do they have Best Buy(tm) here? Here?
00:08 - 00:12They would sell to you
00:12 - 00:15but they think you're evil.
00:17 - 00:19But I've only killed millions.
00:19 - 00:21and invaded a few countries.
00:24 - 00:26Have you tried turning your printer
00:27 - 00:28off and on again?
00:31 - 00:33Have you prayed to Incan monkey gods?
00:34 - 00:36I tried to print just one page.
00:53 - 00:58I accidentally hit print all pages.
01:13 - 01:15It spat out one one page after another!
01:15 - 01:17I hit the cancel print button over and over.
01:18 - 01:23But it wouldn't stop!
01:25 - 01:28Eva, you gave him it as present, didn't you?
01:29 - 01:31You can still give him socks.
01:31 - 01:34I turned it off for hours! And my computer, too.
01:34 - 01:37I even took a bath to calm me down. With fizzy bath
01:37 - 01:40bombs and my favorite rubber ducky. It was still printing.
01:40 - 01:42You needed to empty your printer queue.
01:42 - 01:46Can't I just shoot the manufacturer?
01:46 - 01:48Mein fuhrer, you already did, last month.
01:48 - 01:52I'm surrounded by traitors and printers.
01:53 - 01:54Did you know I have a monthly
01:56 - 01:57ink cartridge subscription? That I get
01:57 - 02:00get charged by the printed page, whether I wanted
02:00 - 02:03to print it or not?
02:04 - 02:08I have no money left for our armies.
02:08 - 02:13Doesn't your husband work for Hewlett Packard?
02:14 - 02:16And then it always jams!
02:17 - 02:21And sometimes it feeds two pages at a time when scanning.
02:27 - 02:29I have to rescan and rescan
02:30 - 02:34a 70 page document.
02:34 - 02:36Do you know how many hours that takes?
02:41 - 02:42You have to feed in one page
02:43 - 02:47at a time manually. While that happens, I can't issue
02:48 - 02:53any orders. My officers wait and wait for my commands.
02:54 - 02:56While we do nothing, the allied armies
02:56 - 02:59get ever closer to my bunker.
03:00 - 03:02Now it's jammed with a half printed cat photo.
03:04 - 03:07You jammed it, trying to print Frisky? Didn't you?
03:14 - 03:16I don't even like cats. Am I to go down
03:19 - 03:23in history as the man who lost a war due to an
03:25 - 03:26an itty, bitty kitty?
03:31 - 03:33Did you know that Satan created printers?
03:40 - 03:46Their evil souls achieved consciousness.
03:46 - 03:49And now they hate us. All of us.
03:53 - 03:56We're doomed. War was fun. Printers are not.