Tony Morris Hears the 2020 Report
892 views12/22/2020
Tony Morris isnt too happy to learn hes losing followers...
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| 00:00 - 00:03 | As you can see, growth is down. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Especially in Europe, |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | But also in much of Africa. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Memorial attendance was down by millions |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | As were Bible studies and baptisms. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | The grand total will be good |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Once the new hour requirement kicks in |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Brother Morris.... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The grand total.... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The grand total is -0.6 percent |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The first decrease in decades |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who hasnt watched the December broadcast leave the room now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How the FUCK could this have happened? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | How the ABSOLUTE FUCK could this have happened?? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Weve made it so much easier! Weve lowered the hours for them! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | They didnt even have to get up at 5am for the convention! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | They have zoom meetings! And the videos |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Ive been making so many videos for them! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Were putting out more content than ever, for fucks sake! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | How are our numbers possibly going down? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Well some of the parents dont like the videos |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | They dont decide whats age appropriate, I do! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But sir, some of the videos are a bit much... |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | The videos are nothing! Do you know what I saw in Nam? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Burnt corpses! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Brains all over the ground! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | How will the little shits make it through Armageddon |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | If they cant even handle a little blood? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I mean have you seen the pictures in the Bible Stories book? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | They had a picture of a guy with a tent pin through his skull, and the parents didnt complain! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | But one clip of dead bodies |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And the mailroom gets more letters than they do about anything, even beards! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | The Judge wouldnt be facing a decrease. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | The man was shitfaced drunk for 20 years and still had massive growth. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | He even had mistresses. What a man! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | An actual decrease... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | The Mormons are probably laughing their magical asses off at us right now. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | What will we do about donations? |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | We have our movie studio to build |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | And Ive got more scotch to buy! I need to make a run after today |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Ill buy their full stock dammit! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Dont worry, he wont get filmed this time |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Were barely afloat as it is. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Cedars, Reddit, Grundy, they're killing us |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | And the news coverage |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Were almost as unpopular as Scientologists |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Im tempted to bail out and become a Baptist. Theres probably better money in it |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Let it fall apart on Letts watch for all I care |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Fuck, is there any Macallans left? |