| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mr. Bloomberg, the latest results are in |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | the gap is narrowing |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | the online ads are helping |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | however our internal polling show that the main problem voters have is a lack of familiarity |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | we need a strong online grassroots presence in order to succeed |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Our online presence will be strong |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | All the top memeologists are on our payroll |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr. Bloomberg... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | the memes... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | the memes we purchased have become a joke |
| 00:34 - 00:38 | they have all become about how much money you are spending on purchasing memes on the internet |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Those of you who are only following this campaign for the memes leave the room now |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What the absolute fuck |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Those idiots were supposed to make memes to help us |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | who told them to turn me into the laughingstock of the internet? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I wanted something that would humanize me |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | show people that I'm just like them |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Instead I'm paying for 15 year olds to make jokes about me |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | If this is the kind of talent we have |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | we might as well give up and register Republican |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mr. Bloomberg, the internet is highly unpredictable. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Trump seems to play it just fine |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mr. Bloomberg. He is abnormally talented at directing the narrative. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | He sits on the shitter and tweets to his retarded fanbase |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | He's a goddamn rodeo clown! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I ran a successful campaign for Mayor |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I made NY one of the safest cities in the US |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I understand politics, I understand business |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | There's no reason why we shouldn't be crushing every other idiot in this race |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Instead we're getting dunked on by a homosexual named Peter Butts |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | and a geriatric communist that idolized the Soviet Union |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | if that idiot had his way we'd be lining up for breadlines and praising Stalin |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | If only there was some way to make them understand |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I'm doing this because I have to |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I'm doing this to save our people |
| 02:40 - 02:42 | it's the party leadership that screwed the pooch |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I didn't want to run for this damn job |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I'd happily for support any dem if I thought they could win |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | It's Trump that's the problem |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | even that commie Bernie would be better than him |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | but you need more than broke college students in the general |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, Bernie can still win |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I had such high hopes for Biden |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | what a waste, Biden was such a fool |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | if only we could do it over |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | 2020 is lost |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | but if you think I'm going to let that Orange Menace drag the country through the mud |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | you've got another thing coming |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | fetch my AR-15. It's time to go hunting. |
