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The Prime Minister returns from his holidays
The PM holds a meeting of his trusted advisers to plan a way forward

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00:00 - 00:03The fires have surrounded Sydney and people have died.
00:04 - 00:05The smoke is choking people
00:05 - 00:07along the whole east coast -
00:08 - 00:12the hipsters in Melbourne have started complaining
00:12 - 00:15and the last handful of public servants left in Canberra are ready to leave.
00:17 - 00:19Just put out a presser
00:19 - 00:21saying it's a State and Territory issue.
00:24 - 00:26Prime Minister...
00:27 - 00:28actually...
00:31 - 00:33we've already tried that and it didn't cut through.
00:34 - 00:36The Australian people demand leadership.
00:53 - 00:58All those who think climate change is a reality and needs immediate attention will get out of my sight.
01:13 - 01:15All I wanted was a nice family holiday
01:15 - 01:17relaxing in Hawaii with Jenny and the girls
01:18 - 01:23and what the bloody hell happens while I'm away?
01:25 - 01:28You can't even keep it a secret
01:29 - 01:31and hide it from the media.
01:31 - 01:34Can't a bloke have a bit of a rest?
01:34 - 01:37And Michael fucking McCormack and his 20 National nutters
01:37 - 01:40want to run the country from fucking Wagga Wagga and...
01:40 - 01:42Prime Minister, he has discovered self-combusting manure...
01:42 - 01:46He couldn't discover his arse with both hands....
01:46 - 01:48Prime Minister, we are a coalition.
01:48 - 01:52Why am I surrounded by incompetence? Don't you know who the bloody hell I am?
01:53 - 01:54I'm Scott from Marketing
01:56 - 01:57I'm the best marketer to ever be PM
01:57 - 02:00Master of glib lines, winner of elections, slayer of
02:00 - 02:03Shorten and the daggiest dad in all of Australia.
02:04 - 02:08For over 10 years our glorious Liberal party has hemmed and hawed,
02:08 - 02:13lied and deceived, and employed creative accounting, all to prove the unprovable -
02:14 - 02:16that we're reducing carbon emissions.
02:17 - 02:21And now it's come to this, that that fucking Greta girl, and those damn scientists
02:27 - 02:29have finally won.
02:30 - 02:34Well, we've fought the good fight, and even tried the last roll of the dice
02:34 - 02:36by distracting with my Religious Discrimination Bill.
02:41 - 02:42All for nought.
02:43 - 02:47The people have seen through it all, even though I am the Master of Marketing.
02:48 - 02:53And now we might have to do something other than Thoughts and fucking Prayers
02:54 - 02:56It seems hopeless. Even Albo is doing something
02:56 - 02:59and that prick Tony Abbott is probably even fighting the fires too
03:00 - 03:02If he can hold a hose, why can't I?
03:04 - 03:07You can always get an office girl job in Barnaby's office.
03:14 - 03:16Well, I know what we have to do...
03:19 - 03:23We'll do what is necessary to win the next election.
03:25 - 03:26We'll actually do something...
03:31 - 03:33Angus, put a stop to any new coal mines
03:40 - 03:46and we'll need to resist Rupert and his conga line of elderly white blokes denying climate change -
03:46 - 03:49that's Donald and Boris and Jair, too
03:53 - 03:56Get me Greta on the line...