Sir, Motel 6 on 17th Street is sold out
Lucky Lady on 3rd Ave. is booked.
The Royal Manor burned down two weeks ago
And the Roman Inn on 5th St.
Will not take you again after what happened last time.
Call that hotel on Euclid Ave.
The one with the hot tub
There's a problem
Nero's Palace won't take you either.
After the other guests complained last time
Those responsible for finding me a room need to stay
This is not acceptable
I've already made plans with 3 different men
Max -- a hunky bodybuilder from Russia
Xander -- a black stud from Detroit.
And fem Carlos from Mexico.
Now I have to tell them I can't make it.
I just bought a new leather outfit with chaps
Plus a ball gag and whips
Sir, the Fireside Inn has rooms
There's no hot tub there, plus the beds are all doubles
Sir, there's a 3 hour place off of Jones
A three hour hotel? Hell no!
Max and I require at least 6 hours
And Xander won't meet me at a dump
Fem Carlos must have a hot tub and a mini bar
These men are high maintenance, they expect a lot from Adolf
They expect a decent room
And a queen or king bed for us
Stalin gets the hottest guys on Grindr
Because his people get him decent hotel rooms
Not these shit places you get.