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Michael and Jessica
We received the reports from Warrant Officer Horrigan this morning, Sir. It doesn't look good from what we established here and here. From what we can tell, he doesn't enjoy his wife's cooking. It seems things are not working out in the kitchen. What has she done, exactly?

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00:00 - 00:03We received the reports from Warrant Officer Horrigan this morning, Sir.
00:04 - 00:05It doesn't look good from what we established
00:05 - 00:07here and here.
00:08 - 00:12From what we can tell, he doesn't enjoy his wife's cooking.
00:12 - 00:15It seems things are not working out in the kitchen.
00:17 - 00:19What has she done, exactly?
00:19 - 00:21I want all the details.
00:24 - 00:26Sir...
00:27 - 00:28she...
00:31 - 00:33attempted a mock mashed potato from cauliflower last night
00:34 - 00:36She saw the recipe on Pinterest and thought to try it.
00:53 - 00:58Everyone here who has a Pinterest account, get the hell out now.
01:13 - 01:15What the hell is she thinking?
01:15 - 01:17This "eating healthy" horse crap lifestyle!
01:18 - 01:23Does she not think of her husband's feelings?
01:25 - 01:28Substituting REAL food with rabbit shit!
01:29 - 01:31It's fucked up!
01:31 - 01:34This is a woman claiming to be from Italian heritage!
01:34 - 01:37She can't make a fucking lasagna once in a while?
01:37 - 01:40As her husband pleads with hunger, she continues her search for "fat-free" desserts!
01:40 - 01:42Sir, perhaps she is sincere...
01:42 - 01:46Sincere in her attempts to starve him to death!
01:46 - 01:48Sir, she is also over-seasoning the meat.
01:48 - 01:52Exactly, because she is a shit cook!
01:53 - 01:54This is what happens with these New England women!
01:56 - 01:57They think it's "too cold" to drive to the store,
01:57 - 02:00so they "work with what they've got" in the home!
02:00 - 02:03When they don't have SHIT!
02:04 - 02:08And Pinterest?
02:08 - 02:13A website that shows you how to turn an old suitcase into a planter?
02:14 - 02:16JUST BUY A FUCKING PLANTING POT!!!
02:17 - 02:21No one cares about how to make a bookshelf from baskets!
02:27 - 02:29 IKEA sells them for thirty friggin dollars.
02:30 - 02:34These recipes are what sick women post
02:34 - 02:36to destroy the husband's moral.
02:41 - 02:42Breaks them down...
02:43 - 02:47until they finally buy them those shoes they wanted on sale at Macy's!
02:48 - 02:53Coming home thinking you are going to have a nice dinner.
02:54 - 02:56Only to find your wife working on DIY projects...
02:56 - 02:59and mashed cauliflower on your plate!
03:00 - 03:02The whole thing is bullshit!
03:04 - 03:07It's ok, we'll deactivate our Pinterest accounts, Sally.
03:14 - 03:16We have no other choice but to take away her Candy Crush.
03:19 - 03:23Then she may see the seriousness of the situation.
03:25 - 03:26She'll see.
03:31 - 03:33And Michael will be at ease.
03:40 - 03:46His appetite will return and he will know the taste of stuffed shells again.
03:46 - 03:49Jessica can keep her Pinterest, but under one condition...
03:53 - 03:56No more fucking cauliflower.