| 00:00 - 00:03 | Sir, we have grave news. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Our Libertarian paradise is collapsing. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | The people are demanding an end to corporate feudalism. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Gary Johnson has appealed for calm |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | but nobody knows who the fuck he is. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Just legalize child porn |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and allow unrestricted pollution. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Führer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Libertarianism... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Libertarianism is total bullshit. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | It's a naive and deluded fantasy. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who can #feelthebern leave now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How could this happen? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | All we had to do was abolish the minimum wage, |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | and let pedophiles operate daycare centers. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | We went back to the Gold Standard, |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | abolished the Fed, |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | legalized discrimination, |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | privatized education, |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | and reintroduced child labor. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | The videos on YouTube were very convincing. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | And now you're an expert on economics? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | We read Ron Paul's newsletter. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | He didn't even write that newsletter! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | He just financed it, |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | edited it, |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | took credit for it |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | and published it under his name. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | He's not a real libertarian anyway. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Which is why it's strange |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | that I'm still defending him. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Taxes are theft. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | You're just putting a gun to my head |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | and stealing my money |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | you fucking moochers. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | This wasn't in the Libertarian platform. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | How could we have known |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | it would be a disaster |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | just because it has been |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | a complete and total failure |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | everywhere it has been tried? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't cry. Rand Paul is still running for president. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I never should have listened |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | to some neckbearded fedora wearing morons. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | There is only one option. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | We must register as Republicans |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | and then act like them in every way |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | except that we want to smoke weed |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | and watch My Little Pony. |
