| 00:00 - 00:03 | So here is a plan of Stephenson Hall |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Ed, Jack, Ed and Joe are here on floor one |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Here is floor 2 where you are |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | And there is 3 and 4 |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Do you understand? |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Yes. At least it is only temporary |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | And I can get away from these morons after Christmas |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sam... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | It's... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | This is the room plan for the whole academic year |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | You are with these guys until June |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who doesn't know the full lyrics to 'Riders on the Storm' should probably leave now... |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | WHAT THE FUCK! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I am with this set of boozy idiots for a whole year! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I cannot deal with this |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | The ginger one breaks all of the roof tiles with his awful football skills |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I have seen better shots from Matt Gray |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | The lad opposite plays music so loud it makes me shudder when I am doing yoga |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Who in Gods name is Derek the Dog? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | And who the fuck is this 1930s Yorkshireman I have been lumbered with? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sam, that is Ellis Meek |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | It's a what?! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | I think he has similar shortcomings about you |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | This is utter madness. Left hand drinking?! Beer bongs! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I thought the one who was good at guitar might be my friend |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Until he started throwing cards all over the corridor |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | The tattooed one keeps turning up in my room brushing his teeth in just his boxers |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And what is that 'simple things in life' song they keep chanting |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Never mind 'When I was a young warthog"! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Every time I try to practice my Mandarin in the kitchen I get funny looks |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Similar to how I was looked at when I tried to pay for hair gel in 2ps, nuts and bolts |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And who stapled that fucking baguette to my door? Sam La France?! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I only went to Lyon for a week long holiday |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I tried my best for the first 20 minutes of Freshers Week |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I went to the School Disco and Beach party |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And paid in full for my tickets |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I tried to stomach that awful 3 hammers |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I considered buying super noodles |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And setting up a tent to watch football in The Edge |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I even brought my sister along to meet them |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | But she wasn't keen on them |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Misogyny isn't that uncommon these days |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | At least next year I will be in China |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Where I won't have to endure Twenty Plus One |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Womping willows |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Corridor cricket |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | And if, before then, a bin with water and urine falls through my door one morning |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | There will be a 3rd year backlash |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I will have the last laugh |
