| 00:00 - 00:03 | Reports are still coming in hot on the OSU shooting |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Everyone is terrified. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | According to reports we have 1 victim so far |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We are hoping for at least 12 victims before we kill him |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | We have a fresh load of coloring books and therapy dogs for the snowflakes |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | I love a good gun control story |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | My God I hope he has a semiautomatic assault rifle |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Um sir, it was one of the snowflakes |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | He couldn't load a gun |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | All he could find at his mom's |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | was a knife and a 4 cylinder Chevy |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | You have to be fucking kidding me, a 2,000 sq ft house full of shit and he finds only a knife to make him famous? |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Can't these kids get anything right! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Not one more pony on campus until they can load a gun |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I'm sick of this shit! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Every time we have the NRA on the ropes |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | A fucking millennial fucks us in ass |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Who the hell brings a knife to a mass killing? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | A car? You know these fucks can't even change their own oil! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I could beat more people to death with my dick than a car in a park |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | He wanted to use a gun, he couldn't load it |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | If I want your opinion I'll give it to you! We need gun hysteria! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | We could say the campus conservatives bullied him |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Are you stupid? Everyone knows there are no conservatives at OSU |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | You're killin' me Smalls! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | If he gets a participation trophy.. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | You can bet your ass there will be no play-doh next semester |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | AND I'll put a halt to the transgendered bathroom project ASAP |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | When ESPN finds out, we may be ranked no better than 5th in the AP |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | This is stupider than a football bat or a Kanye West video. Get Whoopi on the damn phone now! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I've seen this coming ever since "The View" ratings tanked |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Do you seriously think Sharpton or Jesse will step up? He was black and Muslim, we cant work with that. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Is there anyway we can pin this on Trump? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Please tell me he wasn't wearing superman underwear like the last one. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Or have a Hello Kitty purse, that was embarrassing |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Is there a millennial with a hair on their ass? |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | If I have to listen to Bill O'Reilly say "I told you so" one more fucking time |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | We need to sue the cops based on racial injustice, that was probably his trigger |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Call BLM and see if they are available this weekend |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Those morons are as dumb as a box of rocks but at least they can block a road |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Get the cry in planned right fucking now |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | it's ok, they'll have organic cookies and slave free lemonade there |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | 5 MSNBC employees have died of heart attacks |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | We may have to cancel Bingo. They won't even want their slinky's this week during naptime |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | We need to rent a bounce house |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | just think what sad pictures they'll draw this week |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I want you to hire 6 clowns with smiley faces. At least three should be able to make balloon animals. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I was a bit crazy about the participation trophy thing |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Give them all an honorary doctorate degree, they deserve it. |
