Man explains Bath Christmas Market

26,138 views • 11/24/2016


Ever wondered whose idea it was to stick a load of sheds in the city centre?


00:00 - 00:05So this prick from BANES council is on at me to get more people in Bath at Christmas time
00:05 - 00:07He's all like "Pedro, hurry up and give me some ideas"
00:07 - 00:10So i'm like... "I don't fucking know....
00:11 - 00:16...we could get a load of twats to sell their out of date shite on the streets. And jokingly I said....
00:17 - 00:21....we can put them in sheds so they don't get wet"
00:21 - 00:24In sheds!
00:29 - 00:31In sheds!
00:31 - 00:34They've even got some guy selling wooden ties..... Ties made of wood!
00:38 - 00:40In a shed!
00:41 - 00:47And now thousands of twats from Cardiff come to Bath every year and buy the fucking stuff! Wooden ties, pulled pork and knitted craft bollocks!
00:47 - 00:50You can't move for fucking sheds in Bath now. It's mental.
00:50 - 00:56Everywhere you turn there's sheds selling decoupage umbrella stands and shabby chic cupcake holders
00:58 - 00:59It's all shit from the cash and carry
00:59 - 01:01At 10 times the price they paid for it!
01:04 - 01:06Fucking morons drinking their mulled wine
01:06 - 01:08It's the same cheap shit they sell at Lidl
01:13 - 01:14In sheds!
01:14 - 01:16I can't believe they agreed to it
01:16 - 01:20So thousands of these dick heads come to Bath and freeze their bollocks off
01:21 - 01:27So now they're trying to make out that it's some kind of festive tradition that's been going on for years.
01:35 - 01:36All the hipster twats love it.
01:36 - 01:39They ride in on their fixie bmx bikes and roller blades
01:41 - 01:44And they say "Excuse me Sir, where can I purchase some beard oil?"
01:44 - 01:47So i've now got my own shed selling nothing but beard oil.
01:47 - 01:49I charge £25 per bottle, and guess what's in it?
01:50 - 01:53I spend 20 minutes a night pissing into shabby chic jam jars.
01:54 - 01:56Fucking jam jars full of piss!
01:56 - 01:58And these gullible pricks smear it on their faces
01:58 - 02:02I tell them it's made from all natural and organic bespoke ingredients by a local artisan.
02:05 - 02:07In my shed!
02:10 - 02:11I make a fucking fortune
02:11 - 02:13Selling my piss to welsh twats
02:15 - 02:17I feel bad about it cos I went to the doctor..
02:17 - 02:20...and he told me I had a bad yeast infection
02:21 - 02:28I call it 'Pedro's Artisan Boutique Beard Formula' infused with the pleasant aroma of Bath's bohemian quarter on Walcot Street.
02:29 - 02:30Yeah!
02:30 - 02:32It certainly does smell like Walcot Street!
02:36 - 02:39I tell you what, Walcot Street are well pissed off about the sheds
02:40 - 02:42No-one even walks up that far these days.
02:50 - 02:55Ever since they got that shit bit of graffiti saying 'Welcome to Walcot'.
02:56 - 02:58What's wrong with it?
02:58 - 03:04They're all acting like it's a fucking Banksy. Honestly, the people of Walcot Street are so up their own arses.
03:04 - 03:09They're just jealous that people would rather buy shit from sheds than be seen dead on Walcot Street
03:09 - 03:11To be fair though, i'd rather shop on Walcot Street than those sheds
03:16 - 03:20Can I interest you in some beard oil?
03:23 - 03:26I'll even throw in some pulled pork and a trip to Twerton
03:31 - 03:36We can stop by Homebase and find you a shed of your own.