| 00:00 - 00:05 | So this prick from BANES council is on at me to get more people in Bath at Christmas time |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | He's all like "Pedro, hurry up and give me some ideas" |
| 00:07 - 00:10 | So i'm like... "I don't fucking know.... |
| 00:11 - 00:16 | ...we could get a load of twats to sell their out of date shite on the streets. And jokingly I said.... |
| 00:17 - 00:21 | ....we can put them in sheds so they don't get wet" |
| 00:21 - 00:24 | In sheds! |
| 00:29 - 00:31 | In sheds! |
| 00:31 - 00:34 | They've even got some guy selling wooden ties..... Ties made of wood! |
| 00:38 - 00:40 | In a shed! |
| 00:41 - 00:47 | And now thousands of twats from Cardiff come to Bath every year and buy the fucking stuff! Wooden ties, pulled pork and knitted craft bollocks! |
| 00:47 - 00:50 | You can't move for fucking sheds in Bath now. It's mental. |
| 00:50 - 00:56 | Everywhere you turn there's sheds selling decoupage umbrella stands and shabby chic cupcake holders |
| 00:58 - 00:59 | It's all shit from the cash and carry |
| 00:59 - 01:01 | At 10 times the price they paid for it! |
| 01:04 - 01:06 | Fucking morons drinking their mulled wine |
| 01:06 - 01:08 | It's the same cheap shit they sell at Lidl |
| 01:13 - 01:14 | In sheds! |
| 01:14 - 01:16 | I can't believe they agreed to it |
| 01:16 - 01:20 | So thousands of these dick heads come to Bath and freeze their bollocks off |
| 01:21 - 01:27 | So now they're trying to make out that it's some kind of festive tradition that's been going on for years. |
| 01:35 - 01:36 | All the hipster twats love it. |
| 01:36 - 01:39 | They ride in on their fixie bmx bikes and roller blades |
| 01:41 - 01:44 | And they say "Excuse me Sir, where can I purchase some beard oil?" |
| 01:44 - 01:47 | So i've now got my own shed selling nothing but beard oil. |
| 01:47 - 01:49 | I charge £25 per bottle, and guess what's in it? |
| 01:50 - 01:53 | I spend 20 minutes a night pissing into shabby chic jam jars. |
| 01:54 - 01:56 | Fucking jam jars full of piss! |
| 01:56 - 01:58 | And these gullible pricks smear it on their faces |
| 01:58 - 02:02 | I tell them it's made from all natural and organic bespoke ingredients by a local artisan. |
| 02:05 - 02:07 | In my shed! |
| 02:10 - 02:11 | I make a fucking fortune |
| 02:11 - 02:13 | Selling my piss to welsh twats |
| 02:15 - 02:17 | I feel bad about it cos I went to the doctor.. |
| 02:17 - 02:20 | ...and he told me I had a bad yeast infection |
| 02:21 - 02:28 | I call it 'Pedro's Artisan Boutique Beard Formula' infused with the pleasant aroma of Bath's bohemian quarter on Walcot Street. |
| 02:29 - 02:30 | Yeah! |
| 02:30 - 02:32 | It certainly does smell like Walcot Street! |
| 02:36 - 02:39 | I tell you what, Walcot Street are well pissed off about the sheds |
| 02:40 - 02:42 | No-one even walks up that far these days. |
| 02:50 - 02:55 | Ever since they got that shit bit of graffiti saying 'Welcome to Walcot'. |
| 02:56 - 02:58 | What's wrong with it? |
| 02:58 - 03:04 | They're all acting like it's a fucking Banksy. Honestly, the people of Walcot Street are so up their own arses. |
| 03:04 - 03:09 | They're just jealous that people would rather buy shit from sheds than be seen dead on Walcot Street |
| 03:09 - 03:11 | To be fair though, i'd rather shop on Walcot Street than those sheds |
| 03:16 - 03:20 | Can I interest you in some beard oil? |
| 03:23 - 03:26 | I'll even throw in some pulled pork and a trip to Twerton |
| 03:31 - 03:36 | We can stop by Homebase and find you a shed of your own. |
