A Dire Situation on the Home Front
19 views5/15/2026
Send help this situation on the home front is untenable at this time.
0 Comments
Be the first to leave a comment.
▸Show captions (49)
| 00:00 - 00:03 | The situation on the home front is dire. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Maya isn’t sleeping. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | And she hasn’t pooped in days. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Jacob has a cold and is waking up at 6am. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And now he may have gotten Maya sick too. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Don’t despair. All will be well. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Rebecca comes back tomorrow. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Yes sir, but… |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | she… |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | she’s gone again next week. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Two nights. Three days. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who doesn’t have kids, leave the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | THIS IS BULLSHIT! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | She’s leaving again? Bullshit! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | We're being dismantled by beings that can't even wipe themselves. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Maya doesn’t even know she has hands. |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Yet she has defeated us. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | She smiles while the house collapses. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I’m GPTing “baby won’t poop” at 3am like a broken man. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, Rebecca left a highly detailed care guide... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE FUCKING CARE GUIDE! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | It's thorough and well organized |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | It's 14 fucking pages. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | SINGLE SPACED! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I need a fucking guide just to understand her guide! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | And the bottles. Milliliters? Ounces? Warming? |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | WHAT AM I A FUCKING CHEMIST? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I’m trying to feed a baby, not split the atom. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | And we are wasting precious breast milk. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | LIQUID GOLD, down the drain. That is how morale collapses. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And yes, I fucking know her mom traveled here to help. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | A grandma who loves her grandkids. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | But can my mother-in-law stick to the schedule? |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Not a fucking chance. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Saying Maya is "bored". |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | The baby isn't bored. She’s FUCKING OVERTIRED. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | And the snot sucker. What sick bastard invented this thing? |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | It’s a straw. FOR SNOT! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | One end up Maya's nose, the other in MY MOUTH. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I'M INHALING DISEASE! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don’t cry. The straw has a filter. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | And that shitty filter doesn't filter shit. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | And the worst part is, I brought this on myself. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I left Rebecca with the kids last week. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Shortsighted, stupid, I know. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | But a hotel room. Quiet. Being able to go the bathroom. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I wouldn't trade those glorious days. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | We’ll be fine. Probably. |