| 00:00 - 00:03 | We just received word from EasyJet |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | They are establishing a new line |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | connecting Edinburgh and Ljubljana |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | this will allow Scottish tourists to visit the green capital of Europe |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and Slovenian tourists to indulge in the British cousine |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Good, this means I can go to Slovenia more often |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | see my family and friends more often |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | I regret to inform you |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The line |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | the line will only be active from April on |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | there will be no connection before that |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Giorgio, Dogan, and all the other pricks with direct flights home, you are kindly asked to leave |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | This is fucking outrageous |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Are they doing this to mock me? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Putting up a new connection just as I am going to leave Scotland |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | as if they timed it to my PhD |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | as if they are not a bunch of idiots |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | who can barely operate a plane |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | let alone fly a person that is taller than 180cm |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | and the phone app refuses to show boarding passes |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | EasyJet offers frequent flights at accessible price |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | they make you go through fucking Italy, through fucking Marco Polo |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Marco Polo is still just three hours away from Ljubljana |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | don't speak of Marco Polo as if it's a normal place |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | it's the world capital of dysfunctional logistics |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | the staff is illiterate |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | and to get there you have to pay 50€ to be driven there |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | by a guy who will fall asleep on the fucking highway |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | and you have to get there hours earlier |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | just to have your flight delayed for 4 hours, and then you have to crawl on all fours |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | to get a voucher for a bag of fucking crisps |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | all while sitting in an uncomfortable chair surrounded by American tourists |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | But it's not the fact |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | that I had to go through this that bothers me so much |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | even if it meant going to Venice 50 fucking times |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | neither is the fact |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | that I have to fold myself in half to sit on those miniature airplane seats |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | It's the fact that they could have opened this connection years ago |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I would've been their best customer |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I would even buy their stupid fucking lottery tickets |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | but they chose to open the connection next April |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | at least it wasn't RyanAir, then he would be homicidal |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | all I ever wanted was |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | to get on the plane and see my friends, without having to go |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | to fucking Italy |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | and taking GoOpti |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | smelling the armpits and chatting up the driver who has the flu, it's not for the faint-hearted |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I suppose I'll just take the Ryanair flights now |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | even if they fly Boeing |
