| 00:00 - 00:03 | Another Cowboys season is about to start |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We start in Philly |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | On Thursday the 4th |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Dak Prescott hopes to bounce back |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | CeeDee Lamb should also be elite |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | What about our defense |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Will they be any good? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Micah... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Micah Parsons had a contract dispute |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | He was traded to the Packers |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | I would like to speak to Jerry, Stephen, Brian, and Eberflus |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Why would you do that?! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | He was our best player! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Do you know how bad our defense was last year? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | We gave up 44 to the Saints! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Now our defense is worse! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Even worse than the Giants! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | You said you were "all in" |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | All in on tanking! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, Micah wanted to get paid |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Than take out you checkbook! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, his agent demanded more |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Then give him whatever he wants! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | HE'S OUR BEST PLAYER! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | You're the Dallas Cowboys |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | The most valuable team in America! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And this is what you do?! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | You can't give him what he wants |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | And you trade him to Green Bay of all teams?! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | One of our biggest rivals?! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Stalin could do a better job running this team! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Do you know how long it's been |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Since the last time we were relevant? |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Almost 30 freaking years |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | What can I say? |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Bill Clinton was President back then! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Now 31 other fanbases are laughing at us again! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And the worst part is |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | The Commanders aren't a punching bag |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | And the Eagles are defending champs! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay, at least we aren't the Jets |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | First Luka, now this |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Dallas is full of foolish GMs |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Like Nico |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | And Jerry Jones |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I might have to find something else to watch on Sundays |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Because my enthusiasm is gone |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Last place here we come |
