| 00:00 - 00:03 | We have received the BLS July jobs report |
| 00:03 - 00:07 | There were only 73,000 jobs added for the month |
| 00:08 - 00:11 | This was better than May |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | But far less than the predicted 100,000 |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | These are lies |
| 00:19 - 00:20 | My economy is booming |
| 00:24 - 00:25 | My Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | May... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | May and June have been revised downward |
| 00:35 - 00:37 | by 258,000 jobs |
| 00:53 - 00:59 | Everyone but the Secretaries of the Treasury, Labor, Commerce get out |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | The Emmy awards were rigged! |
| 01:16 - 01:18 | The 2016 Iowa caucas was rigged! |
| 01:18 - 01:22 | The 2020 election was the biggest fraud in history! |
| 01:25 - 01:29 | Everyone knows I beat Biden |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I ended Bidenflation! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Eggs are now cheaper than Teslas |
| 01:35 - 01:38 | I have made groceries more popular than ever! |
| 01:38 - 01:40 | Everyone is eating cheeseburgers! |
| 01:41 - 01:43 | My Fuhrer, meat prices are at a record high |
| 01:43 - 01:46 | Say that again and you will be on the next train to the camps! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My Fuhrer these are the facts |
| 01:49 - 01:53 | Then activate the Reality Distortion Field |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | It always works! |
| 01:56 - 02:00 | My bitch wife won't hold my hand when we are out in public |
| 02:00 - 02:04 | My god, my ankles are bursting out of my shoes! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | My idiot Attorney General has everyone talking about my friend Jeffrey again |
| 02:08 - 02:14 | Too Late Powell has refused to lower interest rates! |
| 02:14 - 02:17 | That motherfucker! |
| 02:18 - 02:22 | And now I have just figured out Vladimir is another Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:30 | Get me some more Adderall |
| 02:31 - 02:34 | These withdrawals are giving me a heart attack |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I must appear strong! |
| 02:41 - 02:43 | We must kill the messenger |
| 02:43 - 02:48 | The fake news is going to be all over me with this bullshit! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Bring me that bitch Sleepy Joe appointed to the statistic bureau |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | She's going to feel what its like to have her pussy grabbed |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I will write her termination letter in her blood! |
| 03:00 - 03:03 | Then I will throw her body into the Gulf of Germany! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Attorney General, your head will be next |
| 03:15 - 03:17 | Truth Social is a failure |
| 03:20 - 03:24 | My sons love my crypto more than me |
| 03:26 - 03:28 | They're losers |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Eric should be gassed |
| 03:41 - 03:45 | Some days, I wish I hadn't given up my game show for this shit job. |
| 03:45 - 03:48 | Even if it meant not making so much money |
| 03:53 - 03:55 | Let's get out of here |
| 03:56 - 03:56 | . |
| 03:57 - 03:05 | . |
