| 00:00 - 00:03 | Your polls are a bloody mess, Prime Minister. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | 61% want you out. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Worse than Rishi Sunak's bin fire. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | They're calling you Sir Kid Starver. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Voters are baying for our blood, Sir. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | But my father was a toolmaker? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | So it will all work out. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | This toolmaker shit... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | needs to fucking stop. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Everyone is laughing at you, Keir! |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | And also at us! |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Can everyone but Hope Not Hate and ANITFA please leave the room? |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | But I brought out Carol bloody Vorderman! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | 5 from the top and 2 from the fucking bottom! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | James O'Brien, Narinder Kaur and Terry fucking Christian! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Instead I get told |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I sound like Zippy from bastard Rainbow |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I forked out for a voice coach during lockdown too |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | All I can say is |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | What an absolute waste of taxpayers money! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | WASPI women are spitting feathers, sir! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | WASPI fucking women?! Far right I bet! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | The world has changed, Keir. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Piss off with that bilge, Rachel! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | What more can I bastard do? |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I told them I'd rather be at Davos than Westminster! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | How long will it take? |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I froze the Grannies at Winter! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Funnelled billions to Ukraine and signed a deal for 100 years! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Chucked Chagos to globalist tossers! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Only spent 19 seconds in Southport! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Betrayed everybody who voted for Brexit! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I handed Brussels our fish for fuck all! |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Farage says I’m the EU's fucking lapdog! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Then my 3 Ukranian twinkies torch my properties |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | even found an old vehicle |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I blame that fraud Zelensky for this one! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Just because I wouldn't share my bloody sniff. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | The man's got nostrils like a Henry bastard Hoover. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I have learned so much |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I now know a woman has not got a penis |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, he'll soon be gone. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I've even told Lammy Henry 7th came before Henry 8th |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | And that a man can't grow a cervix |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Its a start. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | In Covid, I even self-isolated for 9 out of 12 months |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | For absolutely no reason whatsoever. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | I even wore three masks. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | My father was a toolmaker. |
