Hitler Learns Probability
28 views2/22/2024
Hitler struggles with the (non-existence of) the first moment of the Cauchy distribution.
0 Comments
Be the first to leave a comment.
▸Show captions (49)
| 00:00 - 00:03 | ... other than being defined via physical terminology, |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | the Cauchy distribution could be thought of |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | as the ratio of two standard normal distributions, |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | so it is symmetric, |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and it has median zero. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | And since it is symmetric, |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | the mean must also be zero. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer, |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | the mean... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | the mean of the Cauchy distribution does not exist. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The integral diverges. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who can't make sense of this bullshit, leave the room. Otherwise, stay. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | That is fucking nonsense! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | The mean not being zero is just utter nonsense! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | That goddamn thing is symmetric, |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | so the mean and the median must be the same! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | How fucking else can they be different! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | The SS could have shot any fucker who doesn't believe that any second! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Split that ungodly thing down at zero, |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | and because of symmetry the integrals have to negate one another! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My Furher, the definition says the integral diverges! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Why not you fucker? They have the same weight! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But my Fuhrer, we cannot make sense of infinity minus infinity! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You mathematicians can make sense of everything, |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | but this one thing? |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | From irrational numbers to imaginary unit, |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | you devil even found a way to divide zero by zero! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | You can define 0! = 1 via convention, |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | but you cannot define this simple thing? |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | For fuck's sake, just define it to be zero! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | How hard can that be? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Stalin would have executed all of you if you showed him this crap! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I have studied probability for three years now, |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | and I accepted so many mind-fucking things, |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | like the probability of a single point in a density is zero. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I thought I have seen it all, |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | but no, probability finds its way to fuck with me again! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | The Bernoullis are bad enough, |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | but this French-ass Cauchy makes me want to jump off a cliff! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | What is the point of coming up with a distribution, |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | only for the first moment not to exist? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, he will drop the course soon. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | At least common-sense still works in many cases, |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | like independence implies zero covariance, |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | and vice versa. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | How many more distributions are there? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I had dreams of mastering probability, |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | but you always find a way to crush my dream. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Fuck Kolmogorov and Cauchy. |