| 00:00 - 00:03 | The Captain's Beard are making a new album |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | It's apparently full |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Of lovely folk rock bangers |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | And frankly it's going to blow your socks off mate |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | They've made a crowdfunder to pre-order it |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | But I don't like folk rock |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Or pirate songs |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My leader |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | They |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | They have already raised 40% of the money to make it |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | It's happening whether you like it or not |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who owns a Captain's Beard album leave the room |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I bloody hate The Captain's Beard! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Another Captain's Beard Album! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | They're such a silly band with ridiculous lyrics |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | How can anyone like them? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | 'I've Got a Beard' |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | That was a terrible song |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I can only grow half a beard |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Don't they know how insulting I find that |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My leader, I think you have a lovely beard |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | I've seen you listening to the Captain's Beard |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My leader, they raise some good points about cockneys |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I know what they're offering on that kickstarter |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Quality merchanise! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | CDs, Vinyls, new colour T-shirts |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | home performances, gold limited edition records |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | even the original artwork from the front cover |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | How much longer until people realise that pirates are silly |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I can't bear the thought of people enjoying their incredible harmony singing |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Why do people like them so much? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | All my mates love them, even Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I want to like them |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | But I can't, I can't get into it |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | It's those sexy harmonies |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | And I know this new album is going to be full of them |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | It was bad enough when that awesome fiddle player joined them |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | But still I didn't buy Completely Tankard |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | It was just so bloody silly |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Grown men flapping around in bloody kilts |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, kilts are still hot |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Perhaps the reason I'm so angry |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Is because I haven't embraced The Captain's Beard |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | So now |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I'll change my ways |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I'll start listening to The Captain's Beard, I'll buy all their merch |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And donate to the kickstarter |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | the pirates have beat me |
