| 00:01 - 00:05 | DCP, Mopology is under serious attack right now. |
| 00:06 - 00:08 | The Heartlanders are attacking here. |
| 00:11 - 00:15 | And Dr. Scratch is attacking our flanks here. |
| 00:17 - 00:23 | Yes, but our enemies still don't know the identity of Peter Pan. |
| 00:25 - 00:28 | DCP.... |
| 00:31 - 00:34 | Dr. Scratch revealed Mike Parker's identity weeks ago. |
| 00:35 - 00:37 | It appears Dr. Scratch won again. |
| 00:52 - 00:59 | Anyone who hasn't had their Second Annointing, leave the room now please. |
| 01:12 - 01:14 | What in the actual hell?! |
| 01:15 - 01:18 | How can one person cause us so much damage?! |
| 01:19 - 01:31 | Get Dr. Scratch some brand new boots so he can continue kicking my ass for all to see! |
| 01:32 - 01:39 | Richard Nygren, plagiarizing, Midgley stalking Gina Colvin and now this?! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | We still have 6 Days in August. |
| 01:43 - 01:46 | 6 Days in August is going to be a disaster! |
| 01:47 - 01:49 | But you said the fundraising was going well. |
| 01:50 - 01:55 | That was a lie you moron! |
| 01:56 - 02:09 | I would rather wake up next to a severed horse head than read that script again. |
| 02:10 - 02:16 | This film is only — repeat only — for those who thought Police Academy 7 was robbed at Oscar time |
| 02:17 - 02:22 | It’s marginally better than Witnesses, just like suffocation is mildly better than drowning. |
| 02:27 - 02:36 | Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts. |
| 02:40 - 02:43 | Maybe I should just give up. |
| 02:44 - 02:51 | I use Aussie Shampoo. Good stuff, but smells like beef pizza. It works. |
| 02:52 - 03:03 | It's organic, but do NOT eat it. It tastes bad. I'm not sure why they left that part off the label. |
| 03:19 - 03:27 | Like my wife tells me, I have a head for blogging and a body for sin. My sin is Chuck-O-Rama. |
| 03:40 - 03:50 | Gemli was right. There is an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything we do. |
| 03:50 - 04:00 | He loves us. He loves us, and He needs money! He always needs money! |
