| 00:00 - 00:03 | We've been putting together the pack for Steerco |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We'll start with a recap |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | of the last sprint |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We'll say what has gone live |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and the progress of others |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | That's fine, i can do |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | that as i'm a good presenter |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | I'm not sure, um, |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | that you realise |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | that you don't actually have a scoobie |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | and you can't just have a tantrum |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | send out anyone who is not titled "Manager" |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | i will escalate this |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | and i'll also bring Ishan in to help |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | if i shout and scream and stamp my feet it'll be ok |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | i'll ask for a problem statement from everyone |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I'll find other people |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | and blame them for my ineptitude |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | i've taken representative dates, fucked them around |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | and given them to people who couldn't give a rat's arse anyway |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Hang on, all dates we've given are estimates |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | i fucking know that, but i wanted to look good so i promised to deliver in bullshit timelines |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Hang on, we've only had the bots back a day |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | yes, and i've promised to deliver 86 new processes, plus to get them to bake a cake |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | It's all about CADENCE |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | i've got other team members |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | bitching and whining about long days, and |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | making out they give a flying fuck about anything but their tiny lives |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | i can't even tell when they are talking to ME. One eye is at me the other has gone for chips |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | and if i want to see Nyla Rose i'll tune in to AEW Rampage, for fuck's sake |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | i'd prefer to cut my cock off with a spoon |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | it's one thing after another and i'm trying to blame everyone but myself |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | i fuck up time and again |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | and i've not even done my Gillberg entrance yet |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | That'll impress the sponsors, surely? |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | if i try and use long words |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | even when i don't understand them, then they'll see me as intellectual and better than everyone else |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | and then i can just get every other cunt to do my work for me, and try and claim the credit myself |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | i can get slides written up |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | and i can just read them out and make up random bollocks on top of them |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Then throw shit if i'm wrong |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's ok, the benefits case formula is bullshit anyway |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I've never listened properly in a meeting |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | i've just assumed someone else will. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | if i even turn up |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | i'm a fucknugget, and everyone knows |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | People wanted to help me, to ensure the Project was successful and WE were successful |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | But now i've fucked it more time than Ron bastard Jeremy |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | i'm gonna go polish my head |
